I don't know whats happening anymore. Nell acts like everythings ok and it hurts to say but its not. I wish it was. but I know its not and i can't deny this any more than she can. Its not fair to her if i pretend like everythings fine when i'm really somewhere else. She deserves the whole me. my undevided attention. Not what i'm giving her. It makes me feel like shit. i didn't mean to do this. One day i was whispering i love you and forever and always and the next i just couldn't. I thought i was in love. my life was great. She made it complete. and then i wanted more. I'm a greedy bitch. I have the best girlfriend in the world and i want more! what the fuck is my problem? She just wants to make me happy. and be with me. give me my every desire. and i fucking want more. if i have doubts now than why am i dragging this realtionship on ? I'm being unfair to everyone involved. sometimes i wish the ground would just swallow me up. and sometimes i'm still not sure. i feel like this is wrong because we were gonna be together forever and always. i betrayed her. what about all those unfulfilled promises? Why can't everything be the way it was
I'm sorry nell. i know your not gonna like this and thats why it hurts so much to type it. but i had to tell you. And yes i know what tuesday is its our 5 month anniversary. I love you baby please don't cry