:-( nelle left and i'm all alone and bored again. i kno cry me a river. but i hate life. i can't wait till i can finally drive. 194 more days!!! i dunno how i'm gonna get thru the rest of the weekend tho. 2 more days till school. and i really gotta do my global project. *sigh* so maybe i should call it a night and get some sleep. hmmm... i'm thinkin not! waitin on a phone call bad i kno.
Ryan is tellin me i should join youth group. and i really wanted to b4 but i dunno now. Plus its really hard to get my family to leave early enuff .
I want to sing!!! lol nell got me in a singing mood. so i'm just playing all these good songs and singing my little heart out when no one can hear me. lol
ummm... what do ya say when i guy asks what they'd have to do to get ya? My answer was: "I dunno thats kinda a silly question but just be urself."
Ahh and i burned my thumb when i was making nell pizza. there's a line on the bottom of it and it really hurts! please kiss it make it better!
i think i had too much coffeee!

yayness! nelle's here and we're doing hw together!!!! ttyl

So i guess i would call my Thanksgiving this year bittersweet. It was kinda like everyone gang up on the teenager of the house morning. and since i woke up with the attitude i don't wanna deal with nobody everyone just go fuck off. Things didn't run too smoothely.
This year Thanksgiving wasn't really the same. Usually everyone comes to gma's to eat. but this year our family was kinda split up and katherine and I went to My Mom's boyfriends sister's house to be with his family.
My mom arrived around 1:30. So i spent the whole morning packing and getting ready to go. When she got there Bruni decided to run off so i couldn't bring him with me. :-( when we got to danny's sisters house i didn't really kno anybody and it just kinda sucked. He did have a niece who was almost my age but she was all like i'm 18, and i'm a senior, and i'm skinny, and pretty, so i didn't wanna talk to her. But one funny thing was i got to drink wine and she couldn't. lol. so in a way that was a plus even tho i almost said no I don't want any. I think that since i'm allowed to drink alcohol the thrill of doing something i'm not suppose to be doing is gone now so i don't care anymore. I'm just kinda like yea sure that nice. thanks alot.
The food also wasn't the same. I'm lucky to have a family that caters to my vegetarianism. Every year we have like every food imaginable and leftovers for at least a week. Thats why i'm happy to be home again. I think the fact that thanksgiving wasn't going to be the same this year didn't really hit me until about 6 last night. After we had already eaten dinner and we were on our way home. We were in the car and like a sap i just burst into tears. lol. i had no clue why. Part of it might be that I have so many projects due this Wednesday and its just overwhelming. The other part is not being with family and other stuff. well i'm getting kinda tired now. So i'm either gonna go to sleep or work on part of my global project. ttyl

lol have fun!!! i know i ate plenty lol

Its thanksgiving!!!!!! i love food!

It's not for you to judge
From all this kind of stuff
I'm only half of what you see

But if I were you
I would notice me
If I were you
I would wait for me
If I were you
I would easily hold me and say
It's all gonna be OK

-If I were you, Kasey Chambers

hey! its a snow day! yay! i love watching bruni pounce around in the snow its so cute. he sticks his nose in the snow and comes out with a white beard. then he gallops because its so hard for his little legs to walk. lol
Danny called earlier which means i might be going to mom's tonight. its my choice and i havn't decided yet. If i go i have to make sure i'll have computer access to work on the three projects that r due on my return to school. :-( what fun! i'll spend my vacation doing hw.
But i cleaned my room last night and now i'm washing lots and lots of clothes. I also perfected my altar. I'm so proud of it. its really cool. and my room has that old feeling back again. Its chock full a chi. so coolness.
So things left to do:
give bruni a bath,
shovel the side walk,
finish washing clothes,
find something to eat!
lol ciao!

i think i wanna spoil bruno tonight. i have missed him so much. i didn't realize how much i let friends distract me. but i'm not gonna do that anymore. i wanna be more analytical this time around. and I am determined to prioritize. which means i gotta go study for global and biology. and bruno is a priority too. i love him alot so no more talky to my friends time to think positive...
p.s. that boy in one of my classes that i'm not going to mention because i wanna keep this totally confidential wrote me a note today!!!! eeeeeeeeeee! but i'm not gonna get too excited cuz it probably means nothing. but i'm still hopeful!! :-)

what a long day. i decided this morning that i didn't feel like talking to anyone. so i didn't all day. i have been mute. and i came to the conclusion that muteness encourages observancy and observancy leads to learning which in turn also leads to less trouble. i have to go now actually because i have an appointment with my shrink tonight. ciao!

its waaaayyyy too early for my liking. I wanna go back to sleep right now. in my nice warm bed. instead i have to endure 2 periods of torture b4 my free again. o well bells about to ring for hr g2g

as u can tell i am just learning how to use marquees. lol . hopefully i can add music soon. and a bunch of other cool stuff. Just humor me its helping me to get my mind off the shit in my life.

I love Bruno!!!

Homecoming night tears running down my face
just thinking of everyway possible to end this fucking pain
36 just keeps popping into my head
razor blades by the bed
medicine cabinet calling my name
seems like a quick fix
but then i realize what this would accomplish...nothing but petty fame
How could i be so selfish?
I'm just not ready to forgive myself or my mom or my dad
for bringing me into this world and making me endure so much pain
I wanna die right now
just take a gun and go pow
slash my wrists and watch the blood gush out
ciao!
I can't live like this any longer
somebody save me from the rain running down my face

i just spent my entire saturday working on a royally fucking stupid global history project. someone save me!!
This torture that my teachers put me thru. Its just not worth it.
I just made some chocolate pudding. and my chocolate cake is almost done. It just needs to cool now. then i will make more chocolate cake. Because i feel like baking and i like chocolate alot.
Tonight is homecoming. Its from 7 to 10. But i hate my highschool and i don't kno who my friends are anymore so im not going. I guess in a way i'm also kinda punishing myself for the bad grades i got on my report card.(eyes tearing up) Its just me and bruni. We'll have fun together. and then maybe i'll do more homework or work on my theology project. Who knos what im destined to do. It could be like last night and i'll fall asleep really early. altho its already 6:00 so its too late to be like last night. Last night i fell asleep as soon as i got home at 4:00 and slept all night. That just shows that i can even sleep after coffee. Because an hour b4 i fell asleep i had a large coffee coolatta. strange i kno.
Well i'm the only one left on my buddy list anymore. Everyone must be getting ready for homecoming. doing their hair and nails and all that stuff. maybe i'll take a shower and get all pretty and put my purrrtttty dresses on just for fun. o janelle just called shes going to the dance. grandma asked if she was going with a girl or a guy and who she was dancing with. god what a bitch! so um yea i gotta go now... hope everyone has a good night.

my oral hygenist says i have to floss more. :-( usually she says i am a really good brusher but this time she said i had to floss more. Well at least i don't ahve any caveties.
Guess what?! gma bought the good mozzarella sticks! they r sooooo yummmy! i love them so much. and soy milk too. yumms. well i go sleep soon. and gotta figure out what im wearing tomorrow. its class color day. so i have to find something red to wear. somebody hold me i feel like a being spoiled. lol. ok ni night

i hate my fucking school so much. but especially the faculty and staff. o well i don't wanna talk about it. :-(
off to do more hw...

i finally finished my hw! lol no i sat down to do my hw and fell asleep. for a couple of hours. then i was kinda sad because i wanted to watch this new show with jonathan taylor thomas in it but i missed it cuz i was asleep. :-( i used to have the biggest crush on him. sillyness. i just spent about an hour convincing greg that if i had to choose who to go out with him or odin it would be neither of them. i think uniforms are a good idea. that way hormone levels don't go mad. but now i should go to sleep. shouldn't have snuck that coffee earlier. ciao!

i guess i should do hw now...:-(

i didnt mean too!!! don't hate me!! i kno how much you love pens, please jesie i didnt mean to take it home ahhhhhhh!! im gonna get my butt whopped!!!
scared nelle

I've done all the homework i can possibly do until i get home so i'm just waiting for the library to close and my ride to get here now. I hope she comes soon because i have an appointment with my shrink tonight. If i miss this appointment i won't be able tog o to him anymore. and that would really suck. So that better not happen. not too much happened today. A couple people pissed me off. but thats about all. tomorrow is day four. I love day four! I have double free 7th and 8th period. and c lunch which means after lunch im done. So i should be able to get most or all of my homeowrk done. yay!
JANELLE WENT HOME WITH MY PURPLE PEN! ERRRRR!
so after my appointment when i get home tonight im just going to take a shower. a nice long one. i can't wait.
Lol and my toe still hurts form when larissa pushed me off a chair yesterday.!
tomorrow is comfy day so i have to go home and find some comfy clothes to wear.
and hopefully we will find out who was chosen for peer ministry soon. I can't wait! well g2g libraries closing soon.

well i did theology homework and she did latin. we're off to do geometry *gags incessantly*! wish us luck! if we don't come back in half an hour call the cops!

yay! Larissa's over and we're doing homework so i can't write much. We're pigging out on mozzarella sticks currently. I love mozzarella sticks! well post more later! ciao

this is a new easier to maintain layout that i think further reflects how i feel. Obviously im not done adding links and stuff. I'll do that later.

then again drop the hot cocoa i'll make it pepperment tea. I'm already fat enough. where r friends when i need them...

and tears flood my eyes...i can't be happy right now sorry. i knew i shouldn't have gone online. and i waited until 3:00 b4 i did. so that shoulda told me something.
I woke up and found out that uncle wes went hunting this morning and shot a deer. that was the first depressing thing. but i guess unless i have the power to ressurrect there's not much i can do. Then i dug my gameboy out from under my bed. It was fun for a while but then i realized why i stopped playing it a long time ago. It gets frustrating when u reach a high level and it take hours but then all the sudden u die and have to start all over again. that and the fact that i have alot of homework to do. i hate school so fucking much. why does our society have to be based around it? its really pretty stupid. when i'm president i'll change things. just as soon as i pull myself outta this depression. well i hope everyone's life is just dandy. i'm gonna go make some hot chocolate and listen to Pink while i wish everything could be different.

lol i think i have major mood swing problems this week. but neway nothing good has happened this week so i don't see a point in writing. o yea one good thing. larissa is going to homecoming with ryan! I'm so happy for her. she asked him yesterday. so thats one good thing. :-)
i guess lately i just feel like alot of my friends arn't really my friends any more. I dunno what happened. its probably not even true it just seems like it. but it hurts neways. on a brighter side (no im not all negative) i've also made alot of new friends. but i miss my old ones. :-(
I'm not sure if im doing anything this weekend. I really have to do alot of hw and studying. and i wanted to get some of my global project done but it just so happens that my locker decided to jam yesterday morning and the janitor still hasn't fixed it. so i have to go the whole weekend without my global binder that had the ruberic for my big project in it. o well i dunno nemore. i think its bad and it just gets worse.
Last night i was talking to nell when kristen imed her and told her to get offline so she could call her. It was important. at first it didn't seem like anything that bad. and nell said she probably just wanted to tell her about her new bf or something. so she signed off and said she would brb. but i didn't feel like waiting so i just went to bed. Now i really wish i had waited because it turns out kristen had been having really bad headaches and she has a cist in her brain. or sumthing like that. Even tho i really don't kno her very well i kno she means alot to nell. and i feel really selfish now for just going to bed like that. and not being there for nell. But hopefully kristen is gonna be ok. Her chances are good. So there is no reason to worry. I'm really glad Nell is ok too. When i found out this morning i thought she was gonna be really solemn and crying thru all her classes. so im glad she isn't and shes staying strong. But just like nell said in her blog please pray for her. Why do such horrible things have to happen to such good young people? People with so much potential.
so yea i started out talking about my weekend and then just kinda started to ramble. (I'm not at all in a good writing mood if u can tell. im sure u can.) My mom might come this weekend and we'll probably end up seeing a movie or sumthin. Either that or she'll call tomorrow and we'll spend the night in new london. what fun. o well i have to go now. uncle wes was suppose to call.

so today was ok. much better than yesterday. i had a physical after school. surprisingly i didn't burst out laughing.lol cuz i'm really ticklish. and every little thing makes my laugh. that is basically all that happened today. i gotta go do hw now. ciao!

i never really could relate with this song. I just always loved it. but then when i woke up this morning it took on a new meaning. now it feels like it was written by me.

I never win 1st place
I don't support the team
I can't take direction
And my socks are never clean
Teachers dated me
My parents hated me
I was always in a fight
'Cause I can't do nothing right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
Can't take the person staring back at me

I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
It's bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't want to be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

LA told me
You'll be a pop star
All you have to change
Is everything you are
Tired of being compared
To damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty
That just ain't me

So doctor doctor won't you please prescribe me something
A day in the life of someone else

:( im so sorry your day was bad jessie. one tear. lol. it will better tomorow i promise!!! if not well then hey im not the good day fairy, although it be kool, soorry im really really random today lol silly me, ok well hopefuly your having a goodnight. sucks going to bed thinking about a bad day!
nelle

I Could Scream

I could scream at all the people

Who think the law is absolutely right

I could scream at all the children

Who don’t want to go to bed at night

I could scream at all the fathers

Who are dead beat dads

I could scream at all the mothers

Who abandoned their little lads

I could scream at all the priests

Who do not practice what they preach

I could scream at all the listeners

Who my words do not reach

I could scream at the companies

Who can’t make their products perform

I could scream at the teachers

Who think violence is the norm

I could scream at all the doctors

Who think they know what is always right

I could scream at all the gangsters

Who believe they always have to fight

I could scream at the politicians

Who have told us so many lies

I could scream at all the police officers

Who eat donuts and just swat flies

I could scream at all the musicians

Who can’t write a song without a curse

I could scream at all the drivers

Who turn without warning me first

I could scream till my voice was gone

About the many things in this civilization

I could scream till my face turned red

Who would notice in this nation

Since when are screams never heard

And people are never noticed

I do believe it is…….

Since we became too busy to listen

wow this is a really good poem. It makes me feel really bad for the boy who wrote it. Wish i could be there to help and comfort him. It communicates a feeling that everyone can relate to. thats the best part
Re--wind ... my sad life......

breathing heavily.. sweat rolling down his face...
suddenly his eyes open...from a nightmare he awakes
evil thoughts creep through his mind...of all the people who betrayed him.
making him feel like life has no meaning....opening that door to the hidden pain..

violent words to him are always spit...
they are the reasons for the marks and scars on his wrists...
the signs of a boy who couldn't take it anymore...
feeling more alone than ever before...

he always would lie.. saying he was feeling fine..
but it was easy to tell.. that he was hurting inside..
you could see him shaking...you could see tears in his eyes..
people would try to help...but he stayed away... no one knew why

he always thought all he needed was to relax...to rewind...
but... he knows inside....in order to keep his life inline..
he must write down his life in the form of these rhymes...
in the hope love and peace is what he’ll find...

out of everything that he knows.....it seems now he’s losing control...
he feels like he’s wasting his life....
come give him a chance....come give him a try....
help him find love and peace....help him rewind...
help him realize....he’s not alone...
help him live his life.....

"Failure is just a part of it/ no matter how hard i try/ making a mess of every situation my whole life..." -Hate Dept.

"And so love is broken/
and they're asking me how can help when you don't even know how that feels/
i don't need one thousand reasons when someone starts to cry/
when someone says my heart needs lifting/
don't ask how come ask how high."
-Dream Theater

"Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart... nothing I can say, a total eclipse of the heart..."
has nothing to do with today just a cool quote

I didn't think it was possible but this day just keeps on getting worse. i don't feel like talking about it.

:-( test in every subject today. thats all im gonna say. gotta go study. waisted whole period talking to christian!

larissa ryan was born on aungust 13th!

I see a red door and I want it painted black
no colors anymore, I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they are painted black
with flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
like a new born baby it just happens every day

I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it's heading into black
maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
it's not easy facing up when your whole world is black

I wanna see it painted painted, painted black, oh baby
I wanna see it painted painted, painted black, oh baby

no more will my green see go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
if I look hard enough into the setting sun
my love will laugh with me before the morning comes

I wanna see it painted, painted, painted black, oh
black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
painted, painted, painted black oh baby
painted painted, painted black

yay i'm finally home again! 72 hours without the computer and internet! I can't believe i did it!!!! ahhhh! lol but yet again i procrastinated and i didn't do any homework. i had four days to do homework and i didn't do any. Instead i ate alot of pizza and soda and candy and i watched alot of movies. i basically wasted away for 4 days. what fun! j/k but there were some fun times. saturday my mom and danny picked my sister and i up. then we ordered some PIZZA! (ooh i love this song: life goes on leanne rymes) After that danny had to go to work. When my mom was dropping him off i watched this movie that just made me burst into tears. it was so sad about these girls that got pregnant at 15 and had this responsibility for their whole lives. and then i watched a bunch of other movies. until i took a reallllllly long shower! (it was least an hour long) after i finally fell asleep. then danny got home at 3 am and he brought me a salad! yummy! ahhh i was such a pig this weekend. so then we watched more movies until 6 am when i fell asleep again. but not before flipping by channel 74 the dirty station and being totally grossed out by these lesbians having sex. lol sorry i had to add that. so yea finally i had to turn the tv off cuz my sister refused to fall back asleep until i turned it off. then everyone woke up at around 1 in the afternoon. and i felt super lazy so i just watched more tv! then we all decided we were gonna go to the mall. but by the time we were all ready to go it was about 4:00. and i being the smart one remembered that the mall closes at 6:00 on sundays. but we still went neways. danny and katherine played in the arcade and me and mom hit spencers and hot topic. then we tryed to go to pretzal time but they were already closed.it was a bummer. so after that we went to this chinese buffet place and i ate so much that my stomach felt pregnant. u kno how pregnant peoples stomachs get all round and firm? well yea. lol and after that i had an urgo for target so we went there. and i bought makeup. when we got home i helped mom do laundry. then we went for a walk to the beach. bruno stopped to go number 2 like 5 times i think he musta ate somehting bad this weekend. but neway when we were half way there it started pouring!!!! so me mom a bruno ran all teh way home in the rain. when we got back we were soaked. my hair was sooo wet. lol and i was wearing my favorite pants and they were all wet. my makeup was all messed up. but i guess you could say it was all kinda sexy. kinda like a wet t-shirt contest. lol. then we changed watched more tv and went to bed. the next day i woke bright and early at like 8:30. no one was awake but me so i just took a really long shower. just like teh other one i took. and after that i was feeling kinda gothic so i dressed in all black. i think i like black. Paint it BLACK! then more tv. We watched this french movie called "Amelie" It was all in french and it had subheadings to tell u what the characters were saying. it was soooo retardedly funny! it really made no sense. i didn't understand it at all. there was this one part that was really funny where the lady in the diner and this guy went to the bathroom and had sex and they screamed really loud and shook the whole diner. but amelie turned the cappuccino machine up so the customers couldn't hear them as loud.
O yeah! the other thing i found out today! i almost had a black kitten but someone came and got him! i was so sad i already had a name picked out for him. "Sage" o well i hope my baby sage goes to a good home. i need to get a black cat. How else am i gonna be a catholic witch without a black cat? o well i guess bruni will have to do. Hes black!! lol and then after that wierd movie amelie we went and got more PIZZA! and after that teh realization that i have alot of homework that i still havn't done set in! so i decided to drink alot of caffeine. and that explains why none of anything that i just wrote made any sense. its because im reeeeallllly realllllllly hyperrrr right now!!! If you couldn't read everything all the way to here i understand it was all really stupid and pointless. but thats what i get for drinking a coffeeeee and a red bull together. now i have to go so i can do my laundry and write the 2 articles that were do on friday. picckkkllllesss! i want pickklllleeesss! I think this is the longest and most pointless entry i've every written. please don't comment on that one! ciao!
luv jessie

haha i get a four day weekend! lol no j/k.. I just don't feel like taking that big english test today. I scared. and i don't feel like gym class. and this is just a perfect day not to go to school because now i'll have a 4 day weekend. nelle hun im sorry i feel really bad im not there. i always hate it when u skip school and im there alone. its just wierd. did u call last night? i fell asleep. i went upstairs to do my project at around 7 and i just fell asleep. i said i was gonna get up at 12 to finish it but it didn't work. then i contemplated the rest of the night whether i was gonna go to school or not. usually i would just go anyway but i can't do bad this quarter. i have to study extra hard this weekend. so thats why i stayed home. I love you all! i go sleep again. z...z...z...

no time to write tonight. too many tests and projects...

i hope i'm not pregnant! i just realized that i just ate pickles and ice cream. but like i always say it would have to be with the second jesus cuz i've never been fucked. lol so i guess i'm just strange. pickles r so great tho! they have like zero calories. so they're my favorite. they r organic! (my word for anything cool and great)
I was talking to larissa about god and wicca and weighing all of the possibilities out with her. She had the audacity to ask if it was really me that she was talking to! i was just being sensible and looking at it from all angles something she fails to do. i guess maybe i might have made her think. then i tried to explain one of my theories to her but she had to go eat. i thought it was extremely rude. so i'll just post it here. so here goes:


way back when jesus out smarted all of the other gods and he was the only one that figured out how to come down to earth in human form. He came down and brainwashed us all into thinking he was really great and the one and only. but meanwhile he had all of the other gods locked up in the skies back where he came from. Now no one knos anything else. They only kno that Jesus Christ is great and the devil is evil. But how do we kno if the devil is evil? maybe hes just misunderstood. maybe there is no devil. maybe there are many gods who can't figure out how to take human form. maybe the devil is one of them and jesus is just really greedy so he doesn't wanna share the spotlight.
or maybe the devil is real and takes many forms that appeal to our senses and gets us to do bad things. For example wicca. Wicca seems like it is earth based and great. there doesn't seem to be anything bad about it so we naturally don't think it is harmful or wrong. But even if it seems ok the devil would benefit from it. He would gain our souls. he would take us away from god. he takes many forms to do this. But what i still don't understand is why god seems to be so greedy? i would think that someone who is suppose to be our leader and role model would have better characteristics and qualities. More to come on that thought...

I also tried to tell larissa some of the basics about boys. lol. no that sounds bad. shes not totally clueless. she just misses out on all the chances she has to flirt with ryan. but she'll be boy smart in no time.
everyone is talking about homecoming! I've decided I'm not going once and for all. I like this boy nick in my theology class but if he likes me he'll ask me and im just not sure. I don't kno why i like him. He passes notes for me and nell. ironic i kno. but we talk alot and always make eye contact. prob just because hes in the middle of me and nell. Thats gotta be it.
i like someone else too but hes just off limits and its not fair. I talked myself out of liking him for a while but i think its inevitable. at least we can still be friends! think positive!
yea thats the other thing. Larissa tlaked me into doing this thinking positive thing with her. We arn't aloud to say anything bad nemore. For every negative comment we make we lose a dollar. For ex. "East Catholic sucks!" Well i'm not aloud to say that nemore. I have to think positive. I don't kno if i can do this. O wait that was a negative thought. i already lost! O well i'll take it in steps. I'm aloud to write negative things for the time being because i have to vent somewhere. I'm just not aloud to say them outloud. O well thats all for now. Ciao!

im sorry east catholic isnt what you want to be. and i hope your feeling better, last night you know you were kinda dipressed and solmn so, yeah i dont know what to write so ill go to my blog. bye jessie
nelle

its been forever it seems since i last blogged. not too much has happened in the last couple of days.
I don't think im going to homecoming. lately everyone has been making such a big deal about it. So unless someone that i really like asks me to it im just not gonna go. it sounds like fun and everything but i think its totally over rated. and i don't wanna hurt the feelings of the people that asked me to go with them that i don't like. So its just alot easier it seems to stay home and catch a flick or something. me and nell were talking about that today. altho i kno she really loves music and dancing so i wouldn't wanna take that away from her. i dunno. i suppose i just really hate east and don't wanna be involved in any of their pathetic attempts at having fun.
the only really good thing about school today is that my gym class was cancelled. and i did get most of my hw done in school. thats good too. its always nice to relax every now and then. i'm also bringing my grades up in spanish. yay! that class really isn't very hard if u do the hw and study a couple nights a week. and im no longer pathetically struggling in geometry because i failed to pay attention for 2 consecutive months. Odin and Dan helped me up.
We got a global project today. ugh! i guess greg deserted andrew. so andrew asked if i would be his partner for the project and i said yes. so i am. i hope we'll be able to get together to do it because theres alot of work to be done. too much! *groaning...* i also have another project in global due on friday. and an english test friday and monday global test and spanish test. i kno this is prob. really boring to read but its nice to write it down somewhere so i don't forget.
of late i've been forgetting what a journal is for and not writing everything i want to because i'm afraid i'll hurt peoples feelings. it kinda sucks. i guess i have to start another little journal on the side. one for more personal stuff. deja vu. i feel like i've said this before. when will i start listening to myself?

i'm just happy for you jessica, you know how smart you are you know what your cappable of and if anyone i know you'll get yourself back on track, with help or not, hun lets make this quarter better ok, and sophmore year wont suck so much. jessica i love you, take that how you wanna take it, I'm not going anywere and i might not be in your classes but you know I'll be more then happy to help you with anything and everything,
have a good day
love always nelle

so much happens in a day. i really dunno how i used to write such long entries. lately there is not enough time in the day. or maybe im just getting lazy. probably the latter. e both. but neways. 1st marking period is now officially ended. :-( but i get to start agian with a clean slate! :-) dan and odin are helping me catch up in geometry. im learning all of the stuff that i didn't pay attention to in the last month. and i did really good on my spanish quiz today! yay! i studied all moring in between classes and during mass.
O yea we had a prayer service today. yes i went to communion. I'm still catholic. Its not like i un-baptized my self. and the catholic church always welcomes u back even after u've sinned or become confused or unsure. errrrr! pamela was fucking pissing me off! she was yellin at me for going to communion. and i was like you kno what bitch? u can't tell me what to do. U don't even kno me nemore! i mean when was the last time u talked to me? so it just really made me mad that she thought she could tell me how to live my life spritually. and then for the rest of the lunch she totally ignored me and just talked to steph. but i don't care because shes too annoying to talk to. lol. i kno i sound really immature right now. i hate talking about people like this. i guess she just made me mad. we used to be really good friends last year. she was one of my best friends. but this year she just bugs me really bad. so dumb and sarcastic. i guess thats why shes not in any of my classes. shes a sped! lol j/k but the blondeness she portrays gets on my nerves. It like get a life! so halfway thru the lunch i went and sat with my new guy friends. I say new becasue i've only started hanging out with them in the past month. but its all cool. i had more fun then.
Nelle was so sad today:-( shes like i was yesterday. The only way i can describe it as is wanting to crawl under a table and hide. just sit there and solemnly watch the everday occurances of life. no talk just watch. and all along be depressed and not no why. thats the worst part. Your depressed and u have no clue why.
Ahhhh odin just asked me if i would go with him to homecomeing! well i like him as a friend but not like that so i said no. besides i don't think i even want to go. i'll just sit home and sulk like i did last night. not in a partying mood lately. maybe i'll stay home and do my hw. Afterall i do need to get straight a's this marking period. because i kno i can.

thanks hun! but why r u happy for me?

im happy for you jessica, if you ever need help with school, im here,