5-6 page paper due tomorrow!

I have recently been informed through participation in a psych study that by writing down all of one's thoughts clears their mind therefor permitting a higher level of concentration. It is for this reason that I write this evening.
I have a paper due tomorrow and I have yet to start it. It's on a Chaucer book called Troilus and Criseyde. This would not be a difficult task if I had not already written 2 essays on the very same book. That's 12 pages of bullshit! How can I possibly get 6 more out?! but anyway hopefully writing in my blog will help me through this desperate situation.
Ryan and I are considering buying a car. In fact we're really close to it. I want a jeep liberty but he's trying to talk me into a Honda CRv for the better gas mileage. I won't have any of it. I stand firm on my love for the Jeep Liberty.
I also see an apartment together in our future. Possibly next year after we save some money over the summer. I figure if I work 40 hours a week I can have an $800 pay check biweekly. That'll be enough to do all this.
Today I did something bizarre. I became a mystery shopper. While driving green line I heard an advertisement. On the way home I called. Turns out you get paid to review stores of your choice. You choose assignments when and where you want them. You also get to keep the merchandise. It'll be a great way to buy christmas presents and earn some extra money when I'm doing chores and stuff! My first two assignements are tomorrow. They are trainee assignments so I won't get paid for them but that's cool.
The other night I randomnly decided to look up friends from when I was in 1-4 grade (on facebook). Don't ask me how I remembered these peoples names. I think my memory was a lot better when I was younger. I remember so much from when I was little. It was pretty neat though. I found out that one of my best friends from 4th grade is at Uconn. I also found a neighbor who I used to play with a lot. I'll definitely talk with them so more and see waht they're up to nowadays..
Tomorrow I'm playing bball with Toby and then I'll do my store evaluations.
Saturday is Erin's baby shower. She's getting sooo big. Can't wait till the baby is born.
I can't believe it's 10:00 and I havn't started my paper yet!! I have zero motivation. uck...

gone with the wind

I started school just over 2 weeks ago and boy is it flying by. I've been working about 15 hours a week, maybe more. Classes have been fair with an exception of the fact that i contracted a cold and was unable to enjoy them for the first week and a half. I love my traditional asian history course though. The 50 minute lecture could last for 2 hours and I'd be happy. Yoga is also pretty good. I've learned the basics and a lot of sanskrit terminology. The rest of my classes are not bad but not my favorite due to various reasons.
On wednesdays I play basketball with toby. Yes that's right. I play basketball.
Ryan and work out on monday and saturdays..
I signed up for the skydiving club so i hope that happens soon. I've always wanted to jump out of an airplane!!
I'm still going to beliz with aunt G in december but i've yet to get my passport. I'll have to work on that.
i have a bio exam next week and paper due in english.
farewell..i am off to do homework

slightly nervous but not really

i'm about to take my CDL test!!! kinda nervous

I have my CDLP! YAY!! I also still have shannon and i'm not sure when Mom is coming to pick her up. I have gotten used to it though so having her isn't as difficult. She does lots of cute stuff too so thats a plus. I made blueberry pancakes for brunch and they were good. I've gotten sooo bored being home all the time that i've cleaned my room and the bathroom twice over again. Jose called today. He asked if i could help him make a webpage. i love Jose.

so so tired

Getting together with the guys last week was a lot of fun. Toby and I won. nothing new. :-P
Ryan is in Maine this week. :-/ I don't think I'll make it a week without him. I just can't do it!

My mom has so rudely decided that I must watch Shannon for her and I am going crazy. One day I have a life and the next I am a walking zombie. I have decided that I could never be a single mother. Fortunately I will never have to be. Shannon did not go to sleep until 5 am. There was apple juice in my bed and i have done 5 loads of laundry in the past 2 days. I need to get out of the house. If anyone would like to babysit let me kno!
I was suppose to take the CDLP test on Saturday morning but it just didn't happen. Jacob and Larissa were here to play with Shannon on Friday night and by the time things quieted down i was just too tired to study. Hopefully i can take it tomorrow. Larissa said she could come over tomorrow morning so that i can get to the Wethersfield DMV by 8:30 am at least. I need more friends like Larissa.
Hopefully mom will come pick shannon up and i'll be able to work again. I have a $400 credit card bill and a vet appointment on Thursday for Bruno so i was really counting on these next couple weeks of work. not to mention the fact that taking care of a 2 year old ruins diet and exercise routines completely.
Ryan won tickets to a concert in New Bedford mass this weekend but since it's on the other side of the globe i'm not sure we'll be able to go. Shannon is asleep now so i am going to take advantage of this brief moment and take a shower. ciao!

funny stuff

You are a Great Girlfriend When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself You're the perfect blend of independent and caring You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too! Are You a Good Girlfriend? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

I almost forgot. I think I'll change my major to Biology. Vet school is my new goal. I wonder how many more times i'll have to change my major...

All is Well

The Scooperbowl was great and we went to China town where I bought Ryan two RES turtles. Only to buy $100 in accesories a week later. The whole ordeal has been undesirable. I can't please the boy. :-P
Wednesday, Ryan and I went over Mikes house with Toby and Jose. The guys played setback while I played Halo 2 on Xbox. I'm officially addicted!
umm i forget which order everything happened in. lol
Well i dunno i went to six flags a couple of times. I went yesterday with friends and saw Jodi Messina in concert. It was way cool. We were like 30 ft from her.
For my Bday Ryan bought me a Mongoose outlook. and a the Daystar Camelback. Larissa bought me out to dinner for my bday and we played Halo 2 multiplayer with Ryan and went to see Star wars. Today I went biking on the trail behind my house. It was really crazy. I went over some giant rocks and down some shifty looking hills. I fell a couple of times of course because i don't think i should have been trying to bike over rocks. O well. Bruno went with me and he behaved well.
Ohh and Monday i started working at transpo. It's pretty cool. I get to work right next to Ryan and we talk all day while we play on our computers. I'm aiming for tuesday to get my CDL permit. It all depends on how the studying goes.
Tuesday night Jose, Toby, Ryan and I are getting together again for a taboo setback night. I hear from Toby that Ryan seeks revenge. Fortunately i am confident in our ability to win.

My Hamster is awesome and I love him!!

hmm...much has occured. I have a new hamster. He is a black syrian hamster, bought for me by Ryan. He is very cute and i will take a picture and post it eventually. Friday b4 last was my last day of school. Horray!!! Last thursday and Friday I attended orientation for Uconn. I picked my classes and met some new friends. My schedule is swell. Mondays and wednesdays I dont have to wake up until 9ish and thursday i only have one class in the morning. I am also done with classes everyday by 2pm or earlier. I have 2 classes with Ryan and i can eat lunch with him everyday. This past week has been great. I love it when school is out. I've managed to clean my room and do a lot of things that i wouldn't have otherwise been able to do. Yesterday I learned how to change , the sparkplugs, wires, rotor, and cap in my car. It took a couple hours but it was a lot of fun. When i was done there was grease everywear. It took two showers and tons of special soap to get it all off. Ryan said it was hot watching me work on the car. :-P lol hmm as far as everything else goes i've gotten together with ryan a lot. I saw jose and toby last friday. We played taboo and toby and I won. We kicked ass. I went to see Madagascar with ryan tonight. and yesterday we went to jacob's bday and had a cookout.

This wednesday is the bacqluerette mass and i have to be on stage. Thursday is graduation. I'm going to the party afterwards ands then ryan and I are going to aunt G's. We'll spend a couple days together in boston. then i gotta finish up my service hours at St. ed's and I promised larissa and janelle i'd go to the scooperbowl in boston with them on the 8th. I love ice cream so good deal. I love the summer!

events of late

hmm it's been a while. too much has occured to elaborate so i will just give the details.

• The past couple of weeks i've been working with larissa to prepare for the AP English exam which will enable me to skip english next year.
• last wednesday i went to covenant house with my christian leadership class. It was in new york so we went to times square afterwards
• friday i filled out my app for transpo and watched movies with ryan and jose
• saturday i went to a concert with jose and ryan...then ryan and i decided not to go to the party and ran together instead. We ran to the church at 1 in the morning. it was interesting.
  
• sunday larissa and i studied and then went running
• monday i found out i got uconn, storrs. yay!! Ryan took the afternoon off and we got ice cream and he bought me some uconn stuff. like a lanyard and wter bottle and stuff
• tomorrow i have an interview at transpo. yay 11.25 an hour to start with a .50 cent raise each semester.

i've got tons to do. write more later...

This is me being silly.

some cute pics

A sign of maturity?

I will now try to explain why I never know what to write about. I will do this in attempt to help myself understand. At one time, life was exciting. There were so many first time experiences that I could turn into a drama worthy of written word. I had no secrets, no fear no restraint, and my life was an open book. Now I find that life has become dull. It's not that I don't get out and have fun. It's just that I've done it before , it's insignificant, so it's not worth writing about. On top of that I've become secretive. There are certain aspects of myself that I keep hidden away for personal conversation rather than impersonal ramblings. All of this is ok, it's just wierd becuase I never know what to say.

Here is a short summary of my weekend:

• Wednesday I drove around for 3 hours looking for shirt for my interview Thursday
• picked Larissa up
• ate at the dining hall with ryan and mike
• drove to moms with larissa to pick my sisters up
• got stuck on a hill and was rescued by a strange man
• drove home in the snow with the life of 3 people in my hands(it took 2 hours to get home)
• Larissa slept over so she could watch shannon while i was at my interview

• Thursday it took me two hours to get ready
• I met with Mr. Williams and it seemed alright (altho i must admit I am scared)
• I stopped by transpo to say hi to ryan, janet and erin
• I then proceeded to buy formula and diapers for shannon
• then i rushed home to make dinner for everyone
• Shannon and I brought larissa home where i thanked her profusely for her help
• When i got home shannon and I were out like a light(thank God! cuz she doesn't always wanna sleep)
• Friday I found out shannon was afraid of the shower head lol
  
• somehow I coherced her into believing it was just raining the house so that I could get her to take a shower
• we took an afternoon nap and then went to Janelle's bday party
• that was fun and larissa pretty much took over when i got there so it was a small break from mommyhood
• we got home around 10 or 11 and promptly fell asleep

• Saturday was kinda crazy
• I was awaken at 5 am
  
• giving shannon a bath was much easier (yay the day before realyl did pay off!)
• we picked ryan up at 3 pm
• Shannon refused to look at him and for at least 2 hours she gave him the "grumpy one" face!
• we squeezed everyone in the kitchen and ate dinner
• the family went to mass while ryan and I cleaned up the kitchen
• Uncle wes and erin brought shannon home for me so that I could bring ryan home
• And that was my crazy boring weekend...
• now I am attempting to do a shitload of homework
  

I love you ryan

disappointments have an odd way of turning out just fine

Yesterday I woke up at 9:00(?) only to spend my entire day planning a fun filled night. My plan was to attempt to set a couple of friends up. The Hors d'Ouvres were to be nachos and cream cheese salsa wraps. The main entree consisted of tacos. Desert contained peanut butter ice cream, brownies, and my special hazelnut hot chocolate. I picked Ryan up and practically had to drag him with me, preventing him all the while from jumping out the door.
shortly after we picked Larissa up and went to Big Y. We frolicked through the grocery store crossing items off of my list the "necessary delectable taco ingredients". We proceeded to the checkout each spending $17.33. As we departed from Big Y I phoned Ryan, Larissa's prospective date only to find out that he was in RI. Now this would not have irked me if I had not talked to him the day before and learned that he would indeed come. I told him to call me if he couldn't. Did he call me? no. We were all quite unimpressed. I had spent and entire day preparing for this. Spending my precious time planning an event that would be thrashed upon. Therefor i no longer think he would make a good match. A guy must be concientous and after that I
would not set him up with anyone I know. I've tried to understand and make excuses but there just are none.
The night however was not over. I called Jose to save the evening!!! Super Jose in his constant state of bliss promptly accepted my invitation. Ryan dropped Larissa and I off at the house and went to meet Jose. When Jose arrived the fun began. We laughed ALOT and had an awesome time. I spent hours cooking with Larissa's assistance. There was soo much food that we didn't even eat half of it. Jose and Ryan as always! played UNO. Ryan and I sung our favorite duets including Baby it's Cold Outside) while Larissa and Jose laughed. We were too full to eat dessert but somehow i managed to coherce everyone into eating pineapple and watermelon. After we watched monty python and the holy grail while playing Taboo. A couple hours later after much fun we decided we were ready for the heavenly peanut butter and chocolate ice cream. I had fun smothering my ice cream with hot fudge and covering everyones ice cream with whipped cream about 6 inches high. Then unfortunately Jose had to leave. Since he was the life of the party Ryan and I also decided to leave. but the night was not over...Ryan and I had a steamy night and I ended up arriving home at 1 A.M.

Last night was awesome!! Ryan came over and we had the most peaceful love filled night ever. we made tofu, watched a movie said prayers together and admired eachother. i slept better then ever last night. Then i woke up this morning and he left a note on the toilet that said I love you. Overall it was wonderful.


i also found out that i will have a new pen soon!!! Ryan's silly surprise to me. man do i love pens!!!

Resolutions for the betterment of my soul and sanity

• I have come to the conclusion that my laptop piggy is being misused and therefore resolve to use it much less in the near future. hour per day unless there is homework and absolutely no more games!!
• I will not be absent from school
• I will not procrastinate
• I will love all serve all
• I will not attain any material possessions, i will get rid of those that I have
• I will live each day to the motto of Carpe Diem
• I will work to spread cheer
• I will do something nice for someone each day
• I will help out around the house
• I will not let depression overcome me
• I will pray often and live selflessly
• I will think of others before myself
• I will spend at least 30 minutes each day playing dobro
• I will contemplate my goals and become refamiliarized with the truths that I have forgotten
• iccha-sakthi!
• Chaithanya
• bhakthi-marga
• chittha-suddhi

Ode to my dearest Ryan

It's 1:30 am and I can't sleep so I shall delve into my deepest thoughts. My thoughts concern Ryan. Despite all of our silly debates and bickering of late, the bullshit your parents shovel forth, and the indecisivesness of our future, we are still stronger then ever. Do not for a minute regret anything that has been said or done. I know most of the time when you do begin to, you realize that it is just silly. But Ryan please don't doubt any aspect of your life as it is today. You're absolutely perfect where you are. You've brought me sooo far, and if you step back and look at it we've matured and grown an enormous amount in the 2 years we've been together. This is part of a learning experience for both of us. I know you think you were much better before, but babe you get better everyday. Just try to trust me. God is with us. He's guiding us and he knows what's best. Afterall he led us to eachother(an ingenious match I must say:-P) didn't he? You are not in control so do not try so hard to be! Don't be so hard on yourself. But anyway I know you know all this. It just gets frustating sometimes because you seem to choose to forget it.
Please be confident that I'm not going anywhere and do not question it ever again. I'll be with you through the good and the bad. Semper Amemus

None of this will make sense but that's okay because it's not supose to. These past few days have been interesting; You might even say entertaining. I've learned a thing or two. The stories one can create in one's head can be extensive.
Also that sometimes it's better to hold back your true feelings, especially in times of indecision. Some things are better left unsaid. But either way, regardless of the outcome things are as they should be.

I love Hamlet

Another week gone by and here I am. I had a very nice night. Ryan surprised me with ice cream at Kathy Johns and then bought me a pig who i absolutely adore. We named him Hamlet. Here he is:



I needed a night like tonight. Nothing to worry about. No tests or quizzes or homework for me or Ryan. It felt good to just be able to take it all in. Love him freely. well i'm quite sleepy now so goodnight!

What's Vacation?

Yes it seems to be that time again...Time for a new blog template. I know this one is pretty wierd but so am I. I know I havn't written in a while but vacation literally flew by! I did a lot of stuff and saw a lot of people. I watched movies, went ice skating, worked, went to the mall, hung with janelle and larissa, played more Halo, and best of all I got to watch Shannon for the weekend. I wish I could put into words the amount of cuteness she possesses but it just wouldn't happen. But sunday when we woke up she gave me a kiss on the nose. When we went ice skating she just woke up and was kinda grumpy so everytime i'd skate by her she refused to look at me and kinda looked down. and when i left her with mom yesterday she said buh bye Jessie! and blew me kisses. I'll have you know she's only 1 1/2 but sooo cute. Regardless i've decided to wait until i'm at least 26 to have children. It's a lot of work and left me so tired that I stayed home from school to sleep until 1:30 today.
So school is here again and I really don't want to go! Time passes so quickly...

tired with hw

"cries!" I'm tired and i have too much homework! It's my own fault I suppose since i've spent the week reading random books, and going to Ryans. Last night i watched The Notebook and cried like a baby the whole way through. I think i must have called Ryan 5 times to tell him I love him and never want to lose him. Today was suppose to be a snow day!!! The poopyness of it all! Now I have homework in just about every subject and 2 tests to study for. I just can't take this. But enough complaining...:-)
For more positive things I've realized or rather reconfirmed that Toby holds a very dear place in my heart. I am quite fond of him and greatly appreciate our friendship. Although I don't see him much in person I could easily say he's one of my best friends. there really isn't anything I wouldn't trust him with. :-)
I had a half day yesterday so I went to Wilbur Cross and My friend Roberta helped me figure out what I need to do for my financial aid at Uconn. She said that if i don't get in she has friends in admissions. :-) Afterwards I walked back to Northwest, took a nap while Ryan did homework, and then went to eat. It was quite a silly night. I was wearing Ryans really baggy pants and Donovan accused me of being pregnant. lol the absurdity of it all! It's ok he just needed to take a walk. ;-)
Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment, Saturday I might go ice skating and I have some Valentines day crafts to work on, Sunday i have a peer ministry party thing and would like to bring Ryan to get a hair cut so maybe he'll come with me.

Next week I have ANOTHER huge ass economics test and a million things that are already due. poopy!

When I look in your eyes beauty is defined
Butterflies, snowfall, shooting stars, and sunsets
When I breathe your air I can only surrender entranced
My senses muffled I succumb to your touch
I tremble and my heart races
my pulse quickens leaving me breathless
I feel you pressed tightly against me, molded as if we are one
I gasp encompassed
Perfection
umm that wasn't suppose to turn out as it did. but so yea...

Aww man

lol i'm addicted to saying the phrase "aww man". It is officially donovans fault. o well what are ya gonna do. I'm pretty tired. I've had a busy nonstop weekend. Thursday I ended up coming home from work early. I then proceeded to sleep for 17 hours, skipping school the next day. I played Ricochet and yahoo games with Ryan all day. It was so bad that i felt like I was a Ricochet ball after I was done playing. Saturday I woke up at like 6 am and went to ryan's. We had a number of things we were suppose to get done but umm it took us a couple hours to figure out how to set up a wireless network between our laptops. We were suppose to meet Larissa at 3 to get our haircut but it just never happened. Then we went to mass at St. Thomas at 5. Ryans parents randomnly showed up there and we ate pizza at willington pizza 2. Today I woke up with random words in my head. I have been playing word racer with Ryan wayyyy too much i think, because I woke up reciting words. Then I took a shower and met ryan for lunch at northwest dining hall. ohhhh i almost forgot! I made honors. report cards came our friday and I got a letter from ms. siegmund commending me for making honors. yay i don't know how i did it but i'll take it. lol
So yea after lunch we were suppose to meet up with jose to go ice skating but jose was very late so we didn't end up seeing him there. Quite frankly Ryan isn't very good at ice skating. He's kinda wobbly...but hes only ice skated once before so its ok. I think he just needs better ice skates. :-P Afterwards we went to starbucks and got a pumpkin spice latte and their new reallllly chocolate drink. Jose met us there and we talked. Goodtimes. I love jose and starbucks.
I am now playing dobro and contemplating the meaning of life and such...

I'm still really scared about my uconn app. I mean I didn't apply anywhere else. I better get in. Ryan went over to admissions the other (when i was buggin out) and enquired as to whether they reviewed my app and i guess they havn't even looked at it yet. :-( I hope they do soon.
I do not want to go to school tomorrow. school sucks. i'm glad its almost over. :-)

Your Dominant Intelligence is Interpersonal Intelligence

You shine in your ability to realate to and understand others. Good at seeing others' points of view, you get how people think and feel. You have an uncanny ability to sense true feelings, intentions, and motivations. A natural born leader, you are great at teaching and mediating conflict. You would make a good counselor, salesperson, politician, or business person.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

You Are 25 Years Old

25 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

You Have A Type B+ Personality

B+ You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

aww man i so forgot to talk about my fishy Frederick. I got him weekend of the snowstorm. The student union was giving them away. He's a really cute guppy. he's orange. he likes to eat a lot. and he swims quite a bit. i think i may not have mentioned him because that was the weekend Ryan slept over and i was too busy entertaining him. He has purple black and white stones and three shrubs to sleep among. I love my fishy Frederick!

Toki Toki Boom

Hmm I'm not sure what I will write about yet but I feel like writing...I must write something profound...I havn't done so in such a very long time. :-P
this will have to be very short because it seems that time has once again eluded me. I've spent the past 3 hours plaaying Toki boom with Ryan and Jose. Jose is so funny. He's the best! He's from Puerto Rico and just went tubing for the first time the other day! He's also been begging me to bring Bruno with me to Uconn so he can meet him (I may bring him with me tomorrow). Ryan and I are suppose to go ice skating with him on sunday. It sha'll be good fun. This week as always seems to have barely existed. We were suppose to get together with Toby last weekend but the snow kinda ruined that idea...So we're thinking maybe this saturday.
This week I have to make sure to do some community service. Larissa is suppose to join me. She owes some hours as well. It'll be tough though because I've been wanting to pick up some hours at work and I told someone that i'd fill in for them on Thursday. O well we'll see.
Andrew invited me to the mall the other day at lunch. He was very nice. It was a wicked crowded lunch and I was doing my peer ministry stuff selling doves and crosses for the tsunami aid but had no chair so he gave me his. I don't like him in the least bit in a romantic way but I bet Ryan still won't let me go. I don't blame him though.
I can't believe it's already February...but I can't wait till June 2. I've never waited for a day so fervently. it's great no matter how many snow days and delays we have I will still get out of school at the end of may and graduate on the second of june. I won't have to take any exams because you better be damn sure i'm gonna get at least an 80 average in every class. I will not take high school exams evvvver again.
Time to go sleepy!

Another Snow Day!!!

I got home from work last night to find out that I had a temperature of 102. I guess I knew that I did because quite frankly I felt like shit but that's ok I needed the money. I've spent my snow day sleeping, blowing my nose, sipping ginger ale, holding Bruni, and taking medicine. I'm so happy we had a snow day today though that way i wouldn't have missed anything by staying home.
Ryan bought me my own Mp3 player! It's the prelude to the better more expensive one he's suppose to buy me that hasn't come out yet. Though it's only 1 gb it's really very cute and versatile. And although a very expensive flash drive it will become that when I get the other one. At any rate I spent all night putting music on it. Bruno was really cute, as he insisted that I hold him the whole time. I'll get this one when it comes out. It's verrrry nice.
umm not too much has happened today. I got my midterm grades yesterday: 88 in economics, 96 on my research paper, and 95 in religion. Spanish and trig didn't go so well. I didn't feel all that hot that day. O well, it happens. hmm it seems that bruni is demanding attention again! write more later...

Snow!!!

hmm...so i'm much better then I was on Wednesday! I ended up driving home in the snow. Didn't arrive home until 2 a.m. It was quite an interesting experience for driving to Boston the first time on my own. The important part is that I finished my research paper! Trig even if I did bad is finally over...and i'm glad for that. Ryan and i were suppose to get together with Toby yesterday and couldn't because of the snow. Today we were suppose to go ice skating with Jose and couldn't do that either cuz ryan had a lot of homework and it just got late so we couldn't. So overall there was a lot I wanted to do but didn't get a chance to. :-( o well that's ok. We watched a couple movies and ate a lot of food. Tried to go sledding but I lost my sled...So it didn't work all that well. On the brighter side I have no school tomorrow!! I'm not sure what I will do. I think I will write a story.
I'm kinda depressed again. I miss God. I miss myself. Where am I right now. This is all soooo silly. I have to step back and just laugh at myself. It's hard though. Just think in ten years all of my petty issues will seem trivial...

I'm a coffee addict

aww man...I am soooo tired and grumpy. I need coffee now!!! After work last night I drove up to my aunts house in Arlington Mass. with hopes of getting help for my trig exam on Friday. Unfortunately I have not finished my Research paper yet and I haven't even started stuff for religion and all that is due tomorrow. And I'm so freaken tired right now. I'm sitting in her office at MIT and can hardly think straight. I've had two cups of coffee neither of which did ANYTHING! So yea I'm stuck here at MIT with no coffee. I swear the environment just adds to my sleepiness or something. Everyone is so busy stuck in books that they develop a dry sense of humor and are boring as all hell. :-P lol yea u can tell by my bad attitude that I'm tired. hmm i kno this is a very boring blog entry but deal with it. I'm writing it so that I will become enlightened therefore enabling me to write a research paper much more proficiently. Bruno is really cute but also kinda annoying like everything else is today. I've decided I'm almost even depressed from the caffeine withdrawls. I wanna go home!! exams are my worst enemy

I'm a coffee addict

aww man...I am soooo tired and grumpy. I need coffee now!!! After work last night I drove up to my aunts house in Arlington Mass. with hopes of getting help for my trig exam on Friday. Unfortunately I have not finished my Research paper yet and I haven't even started stuff for religion and all that is due tomorrow. And I'm so freaken tired right now. I'm sitting in her office at MIT and can hardly think straight. I've had two cups of coffee neither of which did ANYTHING! So yea I'm stuck here at MIT with no coffee. I swear the environment just adds to my sleepiness or something. Everyone is so busy stuck in books that they develop a dry sense of humor and are boring as all hell. :-P lol yea u can tell by my bad attitude that I'm tired. hmm i kno this is a very boring blog entry but deal with it. I'm writing it so that I will become enlightened therefore enabling me to write a research paper much more proficiently. Bruno is really cute but also kinda annoying like everything else is today. I've decided I'm almost even depressed from the caffeine withdrawls. I wanna go home!! exams are my worst enemy

free ipods!

Long time no blog!

:-( It's been soo long since I've written!! Well I've finally created a new template, and here I am.:-) It only took about 5 hours!! Regardless of all that I've missed blogging soo much! I find that it provides the outlet necessary for my pointless rantings. Not only that but it puts me in the mood to do homework and helps me to clear my mind. Furthermore, it allows me to write silly things at one moment and re-read them the next only to laugh at how ridiculous I can sometimes be.
I was re-reading some of the things I wrote when I first began this blog and I have to say that I was kinda crazy. :-)
But anyway sooo much has happened since I last blogged. As I said in my last entry Ryan is at UCONN now. I'm really happy for him. He likes it there a lot, especially because he now has freedom from his parents. Therefore I am much happier. He's doing very well, loves his job, and has great grades. I've spent many nights there studying and just hanging out. I even got to sleep over once! It was probably the best night I've had since.
The 30th of December was our 2 year anniversary. 2 years seems like nothing. I can't wait till it's our 30th anniversary. :-)
Things were going very well with Janelle for a long time. Since then they've kinda deteriorated. I dunno I guess I just get bored. I end up feeling like the distress she causes isn't worth the friendship or something like that. I feel awkward around her. It's just not how it used to be. She's also been clinging to this really weird kid Nate. I'm glad she has him to fall back on. I'm just worried that he'll get hurt and it'll end messy. It's never good when a lesbian tries to befriend a heterosexual male. We'll see what happens. Either way it doesn't matter too much to me.
Larissa and I are closer then we used to be. I think part of the reason I have trouble respecting Janelle is because shes so mean to Larissa. It's funny though Larissa just continues to take it like its nothing. She's trying way too hard to get everyone to love her. Rule number 1: when someone's annoyed with you, you don't use pity to get them back, it ony succeeds in further annoying them. I'm watching it happen between them but it's hard to stop. I'll just let it be...
oh yes I have a laptop and a cell phone and everything I ever wanted. But at the same time I don't want it. I want to give everything up and live a life of poverty. I want to serve God. I'm rather mixed up lately. I think it's because i'm so Catholic. I'm trying to live my beliefs with a Catholic background and it's holding me back. I feel as tbough I have sins on my soul. It brings me down and then I feel like theres something between me and God. It's hard to explain. I've definately forgotten a lot of the truth that I once knew. Do sins hide truth?
I still see truth. I just feel as though it is masked by an inability to follow it. I know it but havn't followed it. It's almost like a Siddhartha type situation. If that is so then I don't mind. I know i'll return to the light and see it again. Right now just isn't the time. I trust that God will bring me there.
Speaking of God I hope it is in his will that I go to UCONN next year. If I don't get in then I don't know what I will do. I've definitely spent much of my time worrying about it. :-( Please if it is in your will let me go to UCONN next year. I promise I will do my best to serve you there.
I should know whether I've gotten in by March or so.
Midterms are this coming week. I absolutely dread them. This is the time of year where go crazy and lose my sanity. My judgement becomes marred and I face nights of fear and disappointment. Why do I hate midterms so much? I try to let go but it hangs on relentlessly and haunts me for months unend.

ohh and as far as my mom goes i'm just kinda fed up right now. I don't understand her. I guess I just really kinda need a mother-figure in my life right now and she's not doing it. I'm tired of taking care of her. Why does she have so many problems?

Aunt G met a new guy. She likes him a lot. His name is Travis. I'm rather disappointed though. I was really hoping to hook her up with UrbJ! Then he Could be uncle UrbJ and Toby could be my cousin and it would just be perfect!
g2g study for midterms. catch up later...