Long time no blog!

:-( It's been soo long since I've written!! Well I've finally created a new template, and here I am.:-) It only took about 5 hours!! Regardless of all that I've missed blogging soo much! I find that it provides the outlet necessary for my pointless rantings. Not only that but it puts me in the mood to do homework and helps me to clear my mind. Furthermore, it allows me to write silly things at one moment and re-read them the next only to laugh at how ridiculous I can sometimes be.
I was re-reading some of the things I wrote when I first began this blog and I have to say that I was kinda crazy. :-)
But anyway sooo much has happened since I last blogged. As I said in my last entry Ryan is at UCONN now. I'm really happy for him. He likes it there a lot, especially because he now has freedom from his parents. Therefore I am much happier. He's doing very well, loves his job, and has great grades. I've spent many nights there studying and just hanging out. I even got to sleep over once! It was probably the best night I've had since.
The 30th of December was our 2 year anniversary. 2 years seems like nothing. I can't wait till it's our 30th anniversary. :-)
Things were going very well with Janelle for a long time. Since then they've kinda deteriorated. I dunno I guess I just get bored. I end up feeling like the distress she causes isn't worth the friendship or something like that. I feel awkward around her. It's just not how it used to be. She's also been clinging to this really weird kid Nate. I'm glad she has him to fall back on. I'm just worried that he'll get hurt and it'll end messy. It's never good when a lesbian tries to befriend a heterosexual male. We'll see what happens. Either way it doesn't matter too much to me.
Larissa and I are closer then we used to be. I think part of the reason I have trouble respecting Janelle is because shes so mean to Larissa. It's funny though Larissa just continues to take it like its nothing. She's trying way too hard to get everyone to love her. Rule number 1: when someone's annoyed with you, you don't use pity to get them back, it ony succeeds in further annoying them. I'm watching it happen between them but it's hard to stop. I'll just let it be...
oh yes I have a laptop and a cell phone and everything I ever wanted. But at the same time I don't want it. I want to give everything up and live a life of poverty. I want to serve God. I'm rather mixed up lately. I think it's because i'm so Catholic. I'm trying to live my beliefs with a Catholic background and it's holding me back. I feel as tbough I have sins on my soul. It brings me down and then I feel like theres something between me and God. It's hard to explain. I've definately forgotten a lot of the truth that I once knew. Do sins hide truth?
I still see truth. I just feel as though it is masked by an inability to follow it. I know it but havn't followed it. It's almost like a Siddhartha type situation. If that is so then I don't mind. I know i'll return to the light and see it again. Right now just isn't the time. I trust that God will bring me there.
Speaking of God I hope it is in his will that I go to UCONN next year. If I don't get in then I don't know what I will do. I've definitely spent much of my time worrying about it. :-( Please if it is in your will let me go to UCONN next year. I promise I will do my best to serve you there.
I should know whether I've gotten in by March or so.
Midterms are this coming week. I absolutely dread them. This is the time of year where go crazy and lose my sanity. My judgement becomes marred and I face nights of fear and disappointment. Why do I hate midterms so much? I try to let go but it hangs on relentlessly and haunts me for months unend.

ohh and as far as my mom goes i'm just kinda fed up right now. I don't understand her. I guess I just really kinda need a mother-figure in my life right now and she's not doing it. I'm tired of taking care of her. Why does she have so many problems?

Aunt G met a new guy. She likes him a lot. His name is Travis. I'm rather disappointed though. I was really hoping to hook her up with UrbJ! Then he Could be uncle UrbJ and Toby could be my cousin and it would just be perfect!
g2g study for midterms. catch up later...