Everyone ought to worship God according to his own inclinations, and not to be constrained by force.
Flavius Josephus (37 AD - 95 AD), Life

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive.
Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974)

You have to recognize when the right place and the right time fuse and take advantage of that opportunity. There are plenty of opportunities out there. You can't sit back and wait.
Ellen Metcalf

To believe in God or in a guiding force because someone tells you to is the height of stupidity. We are given senses to receive our information within. With our own eyes we see, and with our own skin we feel. With our intelligence, it is intended that we understand. But each person must puzzle it out for himself or herself.
Sophy Burnham

BLOGGER
Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways.
Samuel McChord Crothers

depressing day. ok i will think happy thoughts now because i'm about to cry. well im at school until 4:-( and i have no energy or ambition to do my hw. oops thats not happy. o well. i guess im kinda tired or something.
so i think i failed all my tests today. just like i predicted would happen. nothing new. maybe i'll write more later.

another late night..."sigh" owell. i have so many tests tomorrow. and i forgot my bio book. :-(
i'm glad i talked to alot of friends today and resolved alot of issues. but now i'll just be failing 1st quarter. there's nothing more i can do. but i've figured out that if i get a 95 on my report card for the next three quarters i'll go home with an 85 as my final grade. then i will be saved. and i will rejoice and be like allelujah. and it will all be good again. but i might not blog for a while . because i will ahve to work really hard. and i almost think i've gotten enough sense knocked into me to do it.

yay! tomorrow is a half day! and i have my whole peer ministry form filled out. i hope they pick me. this is something i really wanna do. i will be sad if they don't. wow its only 5:30 and its already dark. the time change just feels so wierd. i really don't like it. well i gotta go do hw. so ciao!

well i just got the awrsomest reccomendation for peer ministry form my shrink. what is goin on with me? i'm joining youth groups and becoming a peer minister. well i don't kno how they can say kno. it was just such an awesome reccomendation. and i put my whole heart and soul into my part.
With everything else i am just highly confused. i dunno who i can trust anymore. i ahve to be careful with my friends.
I might go over chris's house on wednesday since its a half day and just hang and play with his dog. Its cool cuz he lives so close.
Ahhh! grades close on friday. I have f's in practically every subject. I hope they don't put me on acedemic probation. speaking of that i need to get going to finish up my homework.
still confused and hopeless but trying to stay optimistic So ciao!

well the feeling finally went away and i'm not high from the jello shots anymore so maybe thats why. but i did have some pretty good dreams. I just wish i was older. but theres plenty more fish in the sea. i must have just been so in love last night because i was so tired. and he was just so mysterious. all it took was a kiss on the cheek to make me shiver. I kno pretty silly! lol o well i g2g talk to ya Soon!

so i have this hopeless carefree feeling. I kinda fee l like ive semi experienced love at first site. but maybe its lust or longing. but i'll tell u nmore about it later cuz bo is being a brat dog. he won' stop biting me

hey! i'm getting ready for aunt g's party tonight! i think i look really good but i'm still not satisfied with my costume yet. so i have to go now. its almost time to leave. hope everyone has fun tonight!

No i'm not sad these are just really good songs...

Baby, I’ll be there
To lift you up
I’ll dry your eyes
Oh, when you cry

When you’re alone
And nobody’s there to take you through the night
Oh, when nothing’s right
Call out my name
Oh, don’t be ashamed to say you need a hand
I understand, baby

Sometimes the night can be so dark and cold
No one beside you
And no one to hold
Hold on, hold on

When you cry
I will dry your eyes
When you fall
I’ll lift you up high
You just reach
For these arms of mine
I promise they won’t let you go
And I’ll make you smile
When you cry

You’re always strong
Always got a hand to lend to someone else
Don’t need no one else
What about those times
When that heart inside is crying out for love
For someone, baby

Someone to lean on when the tears start to fall
Lean on me I’ll see you through it all
Just hold on, hold on

When you cry
I will dry your eyes
When you fall
I’ll lift you up high
You just reach
For these arms of mine
I promise they won’t let you go
And I’ll make you smile
When you cry

Hold on to me
When you’re not feeling strong
Hold on, baby, hold on

When you cry
I will dry your eyes
When you fall
I’ll lift you up high
You just reach
For these arms of mine, baby
I promise they won’t let you go
When you cry

When you cry
When you cry
Oh, baby
Yeah

So much pain and no good reason why
You cried until the tears run dry
Nothing else can make you understand
The one thing that you held so dear
Is slipping from your hand

And you say
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
And why, why, why
And all I can say is

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Though we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will have the answers
At the end of the road

Yesterday I thought I'd seen it all
I thought I'd climbed the highest wall
But now I see that learning never ends
And all I know to do is keep on walking
'Round the bend

Singing
Why, why, why
Does it go this way
Why, why, why
And all I can say is

Somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Though we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
And they will hold the answers
At the end of the road

Somewhere, somewhere down
And somewhere down the road
There'll be answers to the questions
Somewhere down the road
Though we cannot see it now
And somewhere down the road
You will find mighty arms reaching for you
They will have the answers
At the end of the road

They will have the answers
At the end of the road

Somewhere down the road, yeah
Somewhere, somewhere
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere down the road
Why, why, why
There will be arms reaching, down the road
Somewhere, somewhere, somewhere
Oooh

wow that was a really cool spider. i'm so mad at gma she killed it. It coulda been her great uncle serving his dharma. and she didn't think twice she just killed it!
so neways Today was really cool. lately i've been in a black mood. everything has to be black. Just paint it black! i tink its the samhain spirit getting to me. halloween is great.
I was quite psyched after school today cuz i was all alone talking to all these junior and senior guys. but yea i kno it means nothing i'm just being silly. lol
o yea and i found a million people to sign the petition against andrew if i needed them to. lol and they all said that i was gonna win cuz no one would sign a petition against me. so watch out here i come!
ice cream is so good! a nice cone with choclatey ice cream dripping in choclately syrup that gets hard when its cold. I'm fascinated by that stuff. How does it turn so hard neway? wierd stuff. but mmm mmm good! lol
o well i gotta go so much hw and i havn't even begun yet. "sigh"

So I guess i slept really late today! 11:30 lol. I woke up to the song You can't hide beautiful by Aaron Lines. And it made me wanna cry. So i just turned it off. I always wake up to songs that have meaning to me. I figure its kinda like an alarm clock a sign that its time to say wakie wakie. ok i kno i'm superstitious. I'm not suppose to be online! i bad bad girl. lol. but no ones home and i got stuff to do so that ain't stopping me. o no gotta go too sad to write nemroe.
p.s. talking to nell on aim

yea its ok

nice poem
nelle

Well, sit right here, by my side,
and I'll tell you the secrets of the tide ...
And just get comfy, honey child,
While I speak of nature, free and wild.

But, you don't have a cloak, or pointed hat??
Bah!! and Piffle!! .. What's with that?
The Witch is worn within the soul,
not donned for occasions, or kept in a bowl.

When you think of witches, you tremble at magic?
Oh, silly girl, that is indeed tragic!

Well, take a deep breath, and hold tight to my hand,
and together we'll dream to the edge of the land.
Where forest and sky kiss the edge of the waters,
Where spirits as we, claim a kinship with daughters
of elements born before words are remembered, and
feelings, and thoughts are no longer hindered.

Tis the every day things, that witches are 'ware of,
The Sun and the Moon, and the wee tiny cherub,
who tugs at our heart strings and drives us to madness,
yet gives us such joy, and fills us with gladness.

A soft gentle rain, nudging buds to full flower.
Hurricane! Twister! .. Such terrible power!
Candles, and hearth fire, warming and scented.
Forests ablaze! .. Volcanic stacks vented!

A mantle of snow, both preserves and gives pleasure.
Avalanch! Iceberg!! .. So full of treasure.
The Warmth of the Sun, bringing Life we so cherish.
Bleak desert landscape. Burnt tundra... we perish.

Now open your eyes, and look closely at me.
You came here so fearful, now what do you see?
A kindly old woman? An evil old hag?
A cloak of maturity? A dirty old rag?

Both sides of the coin. Light and dark we encompass
Good and evil abide, and still walk among us.
So be very sure, that a Witch you will be ...
for we own it ALL ... you and me .... you and me.

theres no school tomorrow! o well i have so many tests and projects to do. Friday is such a busy day. Theres so many things i could be doing. At first i had plans to go see a movie. Then i remembered it was the play. and i was just informed today that the party i was going to is on friday. so yea the party tops them all. bye bye movie and bye bye play. I already saw most of it during rehearsals neway. Its soooooooo boring! i guess i was mainly just going ot hang with friends.
I never write as much as i used to.
lol o yea. i've been so mean to andrew lately! its kinda bad. I don't mean to be the hateful comments just come pooring out. I hope he knos i don't mean it. hes just so fun and easy to make fun of. and some of the things he says. errrrrrr! i don't think so!
I finally told greg that i can't go out with him. so sad...
i think thats all. g2g ciao!

I'm so tired. sleep deprived. only 3 hours of sleep last night. and i practically live at school. i just got home an hour ago! and i think i'm past the point of sleeping because i'm not tired nemore. like the energizer bunny. keep going and going and going and going.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! i just realized that i missed my shrink appopintment! it was suppose to be at 6:30! o well not the first time i've missed it. this sucks tho i really needed to talk to him this week. lots a stuff

yea that was fun i didn't fall tho.:-( i gonna go call nell.

yay i sneaked coffee this morning so i'm really hyper and crazy. i get to walk on my roof! hehe its gonna be so fun. maybe i'll fall. who knos. that would be cool. i wanna go driving today too. so i think i'll do that. fuck the homework. ahhh! i'm a bad girl lately i say fuck too much! ok gotta go walk on my roof. ciao!

NEVER HAVE I FALLEN

Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away

As we grow older together,
As we continue to change with age,
There is one thing that will never change...
I will always keep falling in love with you.

- Karen Clodfelder -

imood doesn't have suicidal. i finally found a mood that they're missing. well today sucks. I slept until 12. then i took a shower. and johnny called me and asked if i wanted ot go to teh mall. but then we never ended up goin. and its also one of those days where my family does everything they possibly can to get on my nerves. So for a majority of the day i just hid in my room and blasted the radio. so loud that the whole house shook. thats the best way of course. i think i'll just go do that again. i started a book too. its really good. so yea neways ciao

It's National Friendship Week
Eleanor Roosevelt wrote:

Many people will walk in and out of your life,

But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart

To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.

Anger is only one letter short of danger.

If someone betrays once, it is his fault; If he betrays you twice, it is your fault

He who loses money, loses much; He who loses a friend, loses much more; He who loses faith, loses all.

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, But beautiful old people are works of art.

Learn from the mistakes of others, You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

Friends, you and me....You brought another friend....

and we started our group....our circle of friends.....

and like a circle.....there is no beginning or end.....

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift.

Thank you to all!

u so funny nell! well i dunno what to write. i'm not in a writing mood. Quite frankly I'm just mad. Not at nell. I'm just frustrated with a certain siuation and currently i don't care to talk about it. okey guys when i feel liek writing i'll come back again.

:p ello jessie i still hyper, still talking like an irishgirl or man, lol .so yeah. come over my house, i still wanna dance in the rain and all that, oh wait its not rainging, :( well um sing and dance and jump on ym bed ,lol j/k im just hyper and fee like patying with you hehe
love you bye!
nelle

i'm finally back! woo who! I know you all missed me. right more later.

yay! i finally finished!

lol i dunno. it jsut came to me. i might change it again. give me more suggestions. seeing as i'm finding god again it just sounded right.

um dear god whats your number, um yeah cathchy title.... what the hell does it mean???

did u go to sleep last night?!!! it says 2:30 am i just realized that. silly dilly

lol i can still write stuff i just can't post it on the web page this really sucks! and i don't have time to fix it right now. k babe!

really err huh lol
ni night

errr....

this is just a test

what is going on? i'm gonna cry. everythings so sad.
but anyway bruni had his vet appointment. Hes alot better now. thankyou everyone for praying for him. I'm so happy to have him back to normal. Other than that nothing about my life is good right now.

Yay! today was fun. After church i went to the movies. We saw The Tuxedo. Great movie. I was kinda late tho. because i almost died. well pretty much anyway. My stepbrother gave me a ride. and he just turned 21 so as you can guess hes wild and crazy. so we like almost died at least 2. Rain, Doing 80, and crappy tires on a jeep just don't mix. once we stopped traffic because we slid into oncoming traffic. lol Misty screamed and johnny went crazy and i sat there and comforted them. For some reason the idea of death doesn't scare me. I'm ready to die. death is comforting to me. and don't think i'm a sicko or something. because i'm not. i'm just not afraid. The really loud rap music did kinda bother me though! lol it was annoying. don't get me wrong i love rap but not that loud.
So here i am now at home. talking to nell and andre. figuring out what i'm gonna do next. who knows? definately not me.

No actually you'd be surprised nell. i'm not happy. I'm just living. gotta live. and who would want to read my blog if it was so sad all the time? So i try to get sarcastic and witty every now and then so people will read it. I did try to call you. but apparently it was at exactly the same time as you decided to go online. how ironic. I want to talk to you so i'll try again soon.

jess im not going anywere. but yeah i dont know if i want you to call me tonight because all day all of done is cry and sleep and cry some more im crying right now,. it never stops, and i really dont think i can talk to you because i know all i do after i get off the phone is cry some more, and it looks to me like your pretty happy right now so im sure you dont want to talk someone whose hurting so bad. besides your happily taken so yeah goodbye!

We called the vet. Bruni has an appointment for Monday morning at 10:30. I hope thats soon enough.
Andre's at the mall today. Before he went i interrogated him about whether he likes Joelyn as more then a friend. lol. He said no and i believe him. I think i shoulda asked him how tall she is and what color hair she has though. cuz that woulda told all. lol. Yeah i know you hun!

I talked to luke on the phone last night. Chris keeps trying to fix us up. But first of all i'm happily taken. Second of all hes afraid to go out with someone whose known as a lesbian. He doesn't wanna be labeled as gay.lol all i gotta say is: his loss someone elses gain. I'm glad we got that straightened out though. So Chris please no more cupid play!

Lately I've been sleeping so much. I guess i'm just making up for all that sleep I lost. But last night i had a million dreams. and like all my friends were in them. Some of them have confused me a little. What is my subconcious trying to tell me? I certainly don't kno but time will tell.

Hey Nell I'm sorry i didn't get a chance to call you last night. Something came up. I'll call today but i wanna wait till tonight. So let me know where your gonna be. and whether your still going bowling or not. I can't go bowling I don't know how. lol but have fun.

Larissa I updated your web page. You must think i'm a dilinquent or something. Those directions were for a two your old. You gotta remember the computer is my thing. I can update a web page! Now give me the info for your diary and i'll set up the template for you.

Hey Andre I'm sorry Amanda is being a bitch to you. Its when things like this happen that you find out who your true friends are. You can all read about the epic saga between andy and manda at Andy's deadjournal! lol

Ash i love you girl! your one of my best friends! i'm so glad i can count on you. If you ever need anything just remember i'm here. a phone call away...

Thats all for now folks...! Tune in later for a new episode of: As ECHS Turns!

:( your not at school again. are you ok? first of all your a poopie head becasue now you have a four day weekend :) but anyways second what made you not want to come to school. im sorry i had get off line i wouldnt have if id known people were bothering you or hurting you, if it was me im sorry. but yeah now who likes you?? well i have no biology lab so thats why im in free. I hope you got all your work done last night. and ill be online when i get home today. possible. ill have to be sneaky though but if you really arent going to be online anymore, which i highly doubt. lol then ill call you. hope your feeling ok. miss you
bye
love nelle

ugh. u guys i'm never going online again. it interfers with my school work and ruins my love life. from now on no one tell me if they like me. i can't deal with this

:( ok jessie i will, both are dogs are doing bad. why? sorry baby, kiss bruni for me. i love you bruni. and jessie dont worry, if brunos anything like me he wont leave you. he knows what a good thing hes got. its not his time yet jessie, dont worry. its not my dogs time yet eithre just keep praying jessie.
always in my prayers, always on my mind
love janelle, whatever you need to be for you right now ill be it

i was not high on anything! just extremely worn out and tired. and wild and crazy. and hopeless. and so on... so many things. i used to be such a good writer. i thing i've become lazy in my old age.
guess what? :-( Bruni isn't feeling well. i'm not sure whats wrong with him. but hes not his usual psycho self. hes being so sweet. and all day gma said he was in my room. he wouldn't come down stairs. and now hes sleeping by my feet just being all sweet. i'm so worried about him. not my baby! my best friend. my confidant. the one i kno will never betray me. even tho i've been so horrible. we used to be so close. before high school. but neways. everyone please pray for bruni

LOL THATS ALL I HAVE TO SAY. you can definately tell you were high in coffee or something, cause your last few entreis are wacked! lol
see yah soon bye

I have no clue what to wear! i'm gonna cry no wanna go to school. Wanna go sleep. o well got take shower now.

ugh! i hate school so much. so much its not even funny. Did i mention i hate school? well i do. yea so anyways. I have to take a shower and get ready for SCHOOL! pretty soon. My printer is still mental. i need to bring it to an asylum. When it decides to work it will print pages 1-4 but not 4-7! no not 4-7! it just doesn't like 4-7. After 4 pages it gets lazy! my printer is fucking lazy! our last printer was like that too. I think the ghost of our other printer has posessed it. same with the washing machine. cuz its always the same problems. flooding the basement and printing when it feels like it. My houshold objects have dharma everyone and let me tell you they are not gonna have good karma! cuz they mis behave to much.
They never give me what i want. they will be rocks in their next life time. Ok ok i guess thats enough i'm being strange now. Here we go again...and u all kno i'm not strange right? of course you do.
thank you! thank you very much!

i'm the only one awake its great just piggin out on bagels and coffee. yum. i feel so lonely one of my friends please come online! yeah right at 1 in the morning jessie your dreaming...ok talking to myself now i sound crazy but i'm not and you all kno that right? good i knew you did. ok maybe i'll come talk to myself again soon. must go put cream cheese on bagel...

I'm sorry hun i shouldn't have gone to sleep. I wasn't here when you needed me. I hope your ok. i can't write much i have to finish the project.

i wish you were on line jess i really need you. but i tried im you and your not on :( i guess ill get off and call caitlynn or ashley, or try calling your cell phone. im realy dipressed right now :( i just really need someone right now, kinda wanted it to be you. but for some reason your not aonline, lol your always onlien and the one time i have the chance to be online with you your not on :( oh well like i said in my email my life is falling apart :(

i think i have insomnia. its been so long since i actually slept or had an urge to sleep. and theres a milllion tests tomorrow and so much hw. and the project that i still didn't hand in cuz the printer broke. But i gotta keep going. i will get all this stuff done o well g2g
Andre if you come online read diaryland i sent u an email or else u just have to guess your username and password lol

Ok thats just da bomb! i was playing with my diaryland diary and i found out that you can have a secret diary thats password protected! thats so cool! Which means you can only read it if you have a username and password. I think i'll use that diary for more personal stuff. i'm psyched! i know 50's moment. I have those every now and then. lol

i have caffeine poisoning!!!!!!!!!!

yeah ok all i gotta say is my printer is possessed. It works fine one moment and the next it just stops printing. So i restart the "damn computer" excuse me! "lovely computer" and it works again. It's possessed thats all there is to it.
O yea and my sister broke her arm yesterday. Thats soooo cool. i always wanted to break my arm but i never could. or at least a finger to get out of gym. Ya kno? It would be worth the pain for me. i have high pain tolerance. But you should see her. shes got this little bell and she lays on the couch watching tv and doesn't move. Except to indulge in masticating delectable foods. I mean come on! its just an arm. Your not paralyzed! I don't think i'd seriously be able to stay in bed that long. I'd be up and moving around no matter how much it hurt. sitting in bed all day is a punishment itself. neways hope you get better soon katherine. So i don't have to wait on you hand and foot! You guys didn't actually think i'd be nice to my sister did you? Cuz i think not.
At 5:30 I have a shrink appointment. So i should have just enough time to finish my project. Providing that the printer decides to cooporate. I wrote this really cool poem for the front cover. Its called the day miss liberty cried. Hopefully it will count as one page. Sure as hell took me long enough. Ok must go work. I kno i'm in a bitchy mood. I wish i wasn't. i tried to get out of it but i don't kno how. i guess i'm just destined to be bitchy today. o yea must go work. Every time i remember i'm suppose to be working i think of another reason not to. i don't wanna work!!!!!!!!!! "crrryyy" Its unjust... I'm gonna go make pancakes...

I'm not going to school today! i think i'll just go to bed now and do the rest later.

ok i'm still wide awake and i just got out of the shower.

Holy fuck did i caffeinate myself. I've been drinking so much coffee and tea that for a while i felt exactly the way it feels to be drunk. But instead of puking I just p alot.
I'm not sure if i'll go to school tomorrow. Today actually. I still havn't finished my project. And my printer decided to crap out on me. Just my luck. But what i've got so far is really awesome. If it weren't for this stupid printer and the fact that i'm going to be extremely overtired. I've been told that i'm seductive when I'm overtired. I guess its true. lol. and thats not such a bad thing. i think i'll take a break pretty soon and maybe take a shower.

I feel alone in this scary world
just wish there was someone there to catch me
hold me when i fall
protect me from the unknown
fulfil my every wish and desire
but thats not what lifes about
just gotta go on
be who i kno i am
and forget who i thought i was
still not quite sure who i am...
Jessie

:-( I think i got a progress report in every subject. Luckily grandma saw how sad i was and that i'm trying to do better now. I hate school. i really do. I never thought i'd say that. I love my friends and i want to do good work but my teachers are complete assholes. O well i can't write much gotta go do work. homework.

hey everyone...its me andrue..i wrote in my blog so u all better check it out...i think jess has a link for it lol yeah i just wanted to see if i could write in this thing...ok i going to bed...

I really don't know what to write. because everything thats been happening lately is either depressive or its a secret. usually i say everything but yea things are getting really complicated.
neways i have a detention tuesday. and sr. peggy demands that i stay after school for extra help in spanish every day next week. as of now i am failing. :( but now that all my issues are almost behind me hopefully i'll do better. I really don't like her i'm definately going to change my name now. she pisses me off. either that or i'll beg for another different guidance counselor. or maybe i'll just change schools! but changing my name seems like the best bet. ok i'm gonna go sleep soon. i have a migraine and my eyes hurt.

So many tests today! ugh! but i'm really trying hard again. I just hope its not too late.
I was at school till 3:30. Ashley and Andre were there too. We basically just walked around the school for 1 1/2 hours. My conscience told me i should really be doing hw. but i don't get to see them very much so i didn't give in. in short i can't write much because i have hw to do. I hope everyones doing ok. and i wish you all luck. Don't worry tomorrow will look better.

ok somebody got into the qoutoble mood. lol
im still dying, my head hurts so much. ahhhhhhhh!
i dont have much longer to live i hit my too hard. lol save me!!

Life is as Beautiful as You Make It

Always live your life to its fullest.
Enjoy laughter, touch a star.

Smile for today
while you shine through your tomorrows.

Open your heart to strangers;
destiny may bring newfound friends.

Venture out, conquer the unconquerable.

Look where others dare not look,
and question all that is questionable.

Remember that happiness is the home
we build within ourselves.

Speak your mind.

Hear a symphony within silence.
Open your heart.

Challenge tomorrows
and treasure yesterdays.

Capture all that you can
in this beautiful creation called life.


~ William J. Burrows ~

o yea i forgot to mention that last night grandma made me talk to aunt louise. shes pretty much a nun. So she has extremely firm beliefs. we talked for like 2 hours and she talked my ears off. about how being a homosexual is influenced by the devil. how we all have our own crosses to carry just like jesus. because we were born with original sin. and that the devil gets to us in many ways and satin is everywhere. it was really scary. thats all i'm gonna say. unfortunately she didn't change my beliefs

Ok today was so wierd. 4th period i was ready to commit suicide and 8th period was like a box of chocolates. Thats why i kno i'll never commit suicide. my life is so up and down. one minute i'm depressed and the next i'm laughing and happy. Knowing that it won't always be so hard is what keeps me going.
I payed attention in all my classes. In hopes of doing better. altho i got a 50 on a geometry quiz. and found out i'm failing spanish. i tried. i really did. i even did hw at school. and stayed after for extra help in two classes. when nell and andrew came in the room i was so involved in my work that i didn't even notice. It feels good to work hard.
The other thing i did was change my style. I wore girly stuff today!!!!! its just not me. a little cross necklace with matching earrings and a ring. and girly shoes. it was mildly strange. not at all like the day before where i went to school with a blue bow tie. I like to be different. this change will be extremely difficult to maintain.
Tonight is the meeting for kenya. its at 7. Hopefully uncle wes can take me. i also told larissa that i would try to pick her up since her mom can't bring her. shes suppose to call me around 6. so i have to go soon.
Andrew wrote a strange entry in his dead journal. I really do not know what he is talking about. So pay no attention to it.
And later today someone "whos name i am not going to mention"(no its not andrew) asked if i liked him and then said that i shouldn't. I was like what the hell does that mean?>!!! DO I MAKE IT THAT OBVIOUS!? can people see right thru me? All i said was i can't answer that because thats where things start getting complicated. As soon as i admit my feelings everything changes. So i'll just try to ignore that little convo we had. I just wish you luck you deserve better right now. because your really great .
i g2g get ready for the meeting and start making phone calls. love you all! ciao!

:-( no ones after school today and i'm after till 3. i'm so depressed and mad. i don't wanna stay! well at least i have chris for another hour. he just pointed that out. yay! but nell went to call to see if she could stay after and her mom said no. so i never got to say bye to her. she just left. :-( i hate when that happens. i got my hopes up and then she couldn't stay.

ahhhh! janelle has an in school suspension today i havn't seen her all day except once.