yay its friday thank god for that

great day...today is one month for those of u i havn't already informed. One month since ryan and i have been going out. I kno it went by fast didn't it?
It was awesome too. We got to spend so much time together. And we went to the little stream. and it was so cool.
Lol the only thing is i wish i had been more talkative. I guess that comes from being on the phone all night. :-P lol
and i have soo mush hw to do tonight. but i just got home so its not like ive been procrastinating.
mmmm...vegetarian chili for dinner. its real good.
laright i guess i should finish up the hw now. ciao!

lol today was just another normal day. nothing exciting happened...

noooo!! im stuck at school forever!! and ryan is at play practice so its just me and nell. spose i should do some hw. but i dont feel like it. but i have to and thats all there is to it...grrr.. awww ok that was the sweetest note ive ever gotten. it was freaken great. thx babe...ok go do hw now i guess.

:-( i never got to write about my wonderful sunday with ryan. so i'll do it now. :-) ice skating got postponed and i went over his house. Sunday is turning into the best day of the week. Its so funny. I'm getting spoiled tho. We got to be together 2 sundays in a row.
grr nothing sounds right. lol i sooo cant write today. i must have written too much the other day. but neway it was all good and great.
Today i got a whole bunch of midterms back. not really happy with the results. but i can't exactly expect to get all a's when i didn't pay attention for an entire semester. Tonight should be good tho. i got all my hw done in double free. but absolutely nothing to do right now and im here till 3. So ill just goof off for the next 30 minutes i guess...

o yea my sisters dads daughter. which would be my umm step sister i guess. someone i hung with and thought was really cool during my childhood. well shes pregnant and its really kind of sad. I dont kno what to think about it. shes only 17 or 18. Its just depressing. and the sad thing is she thinks its really cool. shes proud of it. but she always been the kind who would do anything for attention. and this is just another ploy. another child born to a young mother who grows up fatherless. Well i should't say that. but most likely that is what will happen. ahh its almost 11!! i should be going now...

i hated today. it was boring and stupid. and i just had this unsettled feeling. ok so what i am pmsing. i think thats what it is. I kno u all needed to kno that. so beware!!
whatever am i going to wear tomorrow. i do not kno what to wear to church tomorrow. i am very tired too. I do not kno what to wear to ice skating either. its the dilemma of my day. ive been wondering all day. must have tried on 5 thousand things but nothing goes. and i feel really fat. but ryan says i look good in everything. but thats his job to say that. so i dunno if i should believe him. but then again i trust him. but maybe hes just being bias. and maybe i am being very silly.
I cant wait till tomorrow when he serenades me. it will be so romantic and great. :-P
we made up another new word tonight but i cant remember what it was. so ill have to get back to that later. All these words we create may someday be in the websters dictionary. it will be great. wonderful times.
I cleaned all day today. well i tried to anyway but it feels like i got no where. very unproductive.
i also came to the conclusion that if u stare at a light long enough it hurts and u cant see well after. No one good is online. its total poopyness. Thats all there is to it. Altho theres only 2 people that i classify as good. So the other 16 people online right now r bad. annoying poeple.
ooo i also decided that i am going to read more often. instead of always sleeping to pass by time im gonna read. that way i can learn more. or feel like i actually did something. This is a very long entry. Its all stream of consienceness. gosh i really cannot spell that word. but u get what im saying.
i have to go do laundry. i have been avoiding it all day. but if i am going to wear these clothes by tomorrow i either have to wear them dirty or wash them now. i am so lazy right now that it is not even funny. but dont worry i will wash them. I'll somehow find the energy. haha move mountains for me. piles of dog doo. dont ask! the wierd things i think of. sometimes i just dont kno...

i must have slept like 20 hours in the past 2 days. ok thats an exaggeration but it felt like it. I guess thats what midterms do to ya.
Talked to ryan for a whopping 4 hours last night. It was interesting. We more than met our 2 hour and 45 minute quota. and again another result of the midterms because during exams we wern't able to talk for the usual 2 hours everday. However all this talking resulted in him getting 4 and 1/2 hours of sleep. (gosh all these numbers) lol which means its my fault that he failed his driving test.(the one that he took this morning) Because i wasn't a good girlfriend and i didn't make him go to sleep. I was selfish because i couldn't bare to not hear his voice. However the guy who tested him really did sound like an asshole. So we'll just blame it all on him.
and now ryan's at work and i miss him like wo...but hes gonna call me of course. and ill see him tomorrow at church, youth group, and ice skating. So ill try to look on the bright side. Until then maybe ill just sleep some more to pass by all the time until he gets home. lol j/k i couldn't do that. I'll clean my room. Thats what i'll do...and it really could take an eternity! :-P
P.S. i prob shouldn't have written all that. it was pretty silly. but it took too much effort so i cant erase it all. lol but i bet it left u blushing like wo! and since leos like ego boosting compliments i'll leave it for everyone in gods's name to read...bloop!

great afternoon...i think i'll take a nap. so tid tid...

lol i couldn't resist taking that quiz...

I scored a 100% on the "Is your bf really bf material?" Quizie! What about you?

I'm done with exams!!!!! Time to celebrate!! woo whoo!!

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soo tired...fighting to keep eyes open. already fell asleep on keyboard once...

What Is Your True Aura Colour?
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What's your sexual appeal?
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yay!! only one more exam left!!! biology and im actually studying...

lol good song

Movin' up-where you never been
Tie your seat belt-strap yourself in
Start a rumor-nothing to it
It's a dirty job, baby-but someone's gotta do it

I don't wanna to be the lonely game in town
I just wanna be the only girl around
Yeah, I'm gonna take you straight to the top
Never ever stop-show you what I got

I'll take your heart-before you know it's gone
Leave you standin'-but you won't be alone
Take your rhythm-and leave you out of time
I'll take everything and give you all of mine
I'll take your heart-and you ain't gonna feel it
Can't do nothing babe, you know I'm gonna steal it

I'll take your heart-before you know it's gone

Lady luck-just be good to me
Send me love-special delivery
Ain't in a movie-I ain't on TV
I'm a livin', lovin', breathin', leadin' kind of lady
I don't wanna be alone at the end of the phone
I just wanna be the one who turns you on
Yeah, I'm gonna take you straight to the top
Never ever stop-show you what I got

I'll take your heart-before you know it's gone
Leave you standin'-but you won't be alone
Take your rhythm-and leave you out of time
I'll take everything and give you all of mine
I'll take your heart-and you ain't gonna feel it
Can't do nothing babe, you know I'm gonna steal it

Some girls'll leave you all alone
Some girls won't even take you home
But this girl is gonna turn you on
You know I'm not wrong

I'll take your heart-before you know it's gone
Leave you standin'-but you won't be alone
Take your rhythm-and leave you out of time
I'll take everything and give you all of mine
I'll take your heart-and you ain't gonna feel it
Can't do nothing babe, you know I'm gonna steal it

I'll take your heart-before you know it's gone
Leave you standin' but you won't be alone

By the way i finally came to the conclusion that the sour cream was sour. and it had an expiration date of like December!! but my taste buds r all messed up cuz of this cold so i could not tell. lol just thought ud all like to kno that

I HATE SCHOOL!!! someone just fucking shoot me! i cant have spanish and global on the same fucking day. Its driving me to the line of insanity. I'm trying to decided whether i should go into hysterics or just realize that if i fail it was meant to be and theres nothing i can do about it now. I actually prayed for the first time in like 17 million years. Thats how desperate i am.Well not desperate u should never go to god just because you are despret. and im like so tempted to skip. but then i tell myself u have to face up to it...and its not the end of the world...once its over I will be greatful. but until then i might go into a deep depression. u kno what i definately need? Some wi*e and a b*x(cannot reveal the secret ingredients) and i will just plug it in the wall. then me and u ryan we can go back in time and study and talk on the phone alllllllll night!! and it would be great. maybe fit some snuggle time in too cuz i need it. plus id' never be able to study when i could cuddle its just too much of a distraction:-P 2 hours b4 i have to leave for school.*pulling hair* I think its time I attempt to learn something beneficial. Why cant I just skip school? What was the reason again? its sounding rather tempting at the moment...definately

lol last night was so great. I really think i was drugged or sumthing. or i definately had something with the effects of champagne. cuz i laughed myself to sleep. wonderful times!!
and today i had 2 midterms. geometry and theology. i didn't do half bad. but i can always do better. But getting an A on my theology report absolutely made the day!!
oooooooooo and i got to spend almost 30 minutes with ryan!! It was stupendous! i can just see all the rumors circulating thru school tho...one of the horrid things about our school. im eating cool ranch doritos with sour cream. but i cant figure out if the sour cream is sour or not. hmmmm...i guess i shall see

im going fucking insane!!!

What element would you rein over? (For Girls)
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lol this is funny

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Yesterday was a wonderful wonderful groundbreaking day! My spell to make parents more understanding definately worked. ;-) and we spent 10 hours of quality snuggling time together. I also learned a semesters worth of biology in 2 hours. ahhh the withdrawls r horrible. i cant imagine what its going to be like tomorrow...random urges like wo...now im off to study for geometry and theology...

lol ok yesterday was so freaking crappy. Yet im in my own little world so in love that i dont even notice it.*wink wink* even "the little cell phone that could" knos it!! random urge all the way. :-*
So yesterday im almost positive i managed to get 2 detentions. and next week is exams so i have to spend all weekend studying. My schedule for today is 1-6. Conveniently coordinated to the hours that Ryan works. hmmm i wonder how that happened... and then tomorrow we'll prob go to the 9 mass if i can get my family to wake up early enough. and then youth group. and hopefully go over ryans house where we'll watch lord of the rings while i teach him how to write right handed. It all sounds great as long as the parents go along with it. i really hope so...it would just make this weekend soo much better. u kno what i should do? i should find that spell that makes parents be more understanding...then it will all work. ;-) g2g shower. ciao!

lol ok this is pitiful. im sitting here talking to a magic crystal ball on yahoo. and the scary thing is i actually think there is someone sitting there answering my questions. im freaked out now. pouring out my soul to what i thought was computer generated. and its actually some guy...

...love is worth it...
i support thankful meo burt
'captured in desire..'

lol i think ryan meets all of those qualifications...why am i taking quizes when i should be doing hw?

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ok today wasn't bad i must say. but definately not great. i have so much studying to do for midterms.
lol the highlight of my day was after school when ryan asked me to pick my favorite shield on the wall in the stairway and i picked the same exact one as him. it was great. but like he said it was becuz that one had silver and the rest were gold so it stood out. but still it was cool. i was sad tho becuz we both had to rush off so didn't get to say bye really. :-( lol and u should definately help me with my bio lab tomorrow. pleeeeeeezee!!! Otherwise tomorrow really will suck...despite lunch. ok g2g do hw. maybe take a shower...ciao!!

lol yet again i have no clue what to write...ummm i should be doing hw. but its been a great night. extremely productive...maybe i'll paint my nails. Yes thats what i should do...

I'm so hungry and tired. If u were here Ryan I might be impulsive.;-) lol

i still dont feel like writing...if u wanna kno whats going on in my life then call me...or email me or sumthin...lol ciao!

very busy weekend...too much to write. its overwhelming...

your swelcome, and seriously don't worry about the c-d player. its only two days. its not like i gave you all my radios lol, well have a goodweekend, i'll miss you and see you monday : )

:-( i just membered that it was a weekend and i have your cd player the whole time. I'm sorry hun i forgot. If i membered it was 2 whole days i wouldn't have begged u to let me borrow it. :-) and thx for the advice...

"life is all about choices, the mind can help you think about it, but the heart will lead you to what is right."
-nelle-
ok well have a good weekend ; ) ni night.
nelle (weeble)

The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend. -AbrahamLincoln

should i take this advice?

lol so i hear andrew got the bajeezes scared outta him yesterday. haha!! i almost feel kinda bad. Like i started the hatred toward him. But no i guess he brought it upon himself. So no reason to feel guilty.
YAY!! gym was cancelled today!! that is why i am in this free typing what i may. Who knos. i do not. Yesterday was good and fun. I did absolutely nothing. Days like that r always pleasing. But i missed everyone so much!! thx for missing me ash! and lol ryan was jelous. Felt like i abandoned him. awwwwwww... im sorry babe. I think ive made up for it tho. right?

lol yea sometime during the time i went to sleep and woke up i decided i didn't have to go to school today so i wasn't gonna. I slept until 3:30 this afternoon. lol and i don't kno how the hell u found out i was talking to ryan all night. cuz i have not talked to anyone all day. and that means ryan told someone, which means he was thinking about me, which means the convo we had had just as much an effect on him as it did me. cuz it really did. it was cool. we talked with no barriers. just said anything that popped into our head. and i was totally me. Unlike all the other times we've talked i was kinda superficial. not really showing my real self. Part of it might have been that we were so tired. that is a possiblility. but either way it meant alot. :-) g2g do hw now! ciao!!

im sorry you felt weird. i seriously would have left if you said that, im sorry i couldnt call you too to make you feel better. but you stayed up till one with ryan so hopefully whatever you were sad about you talked with him and he made you feel better. i dont think it was me, but if it was im sorry i love you and i hope you got rest today. but seriously no sympathy for you lol j/k ok well it be nice if youd come on nobody else is sooo boring. but your probably sick of looking at the computer again lol. well ill go now, i missed yah today. talk to you later maybe if not ni night see yah tomorow : )
nelle

ooo this is something i have to think about...

"Tell me who admires you and loves you, and I will tell you who you are."
-Charles Augustin Sainte-Beauve

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
-Antoine De Saint-Exupery

"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."
-William Shakespeare

Yesterday was a really good day. i love vanilla pudding. im blah right now. i don't kno how i feel. raspberry seltzer is also good. today is a funny day. if u love me u'll write comments in my thing like greg. or u'll email me. haha i kno that was random. i cant be around nell and ryan at the same time. it feels strange. k that was my day...well not really but alot happened and i have alot to do so i cant write about it. everyone call me tonight. if u can cheer me up theres a prize...:-) eww i just heard the grossest song ever. u don't wanna kno....

*sigh* ok it was only a kiss on the cheek but wow. :-) i kno i kno im silly...

Hey i think things with nell are cool again. yay! we skipped our free to just sit in the bathroom and hang. It was alot of fun. Ive missed her like totally much. lol but neway i skipped hr so that i could skip english and its english period right now. So im scared of getting caught. I have to go sign in soon. Or they will call home and i will be screwed. lol gahh its mr sucich!!

Gosh its been such an awesome weekend! I mean my life is always bittersweet. But i definately love the sweet side of it (Ryan). The bitter i'll have to work on(Nell).
LOL So a recap on the last few days! I procrastinated vastly. Still havn't even really done much on my book report. lol not surprising. I'll be up a majority of the night. It always goes that way...
Nick and i took our friendship to the next level. lol We now insult eachother every 2 seconds. But im better at it so :P! Actually speant 6 hours doing so. lol
Greg wants to be my best friend if things with nell don't work out. lol Hes so silly. No one could ever replace nell. Even tho he and i have gotten pretty close. I still have hope for nell.
Issues with andrew r the same. Altho he actually stooped down to my level in order to ask for a website url. Surprising...
Things with ash r the great as always. I can always count on her when i need some good advice or and ear to listen.
Apparently caitlin thinks i hate her. :-( LOL i don't hate her. but she does scare me sometimes!!
Ryan and I are just heavenly. Better than ever. In fact heres a quote to express it...
"For, you see, each day i love you more,
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow." :-*!
LOL omg the funniest thing. We decided on our last date that we should go ice skating some time. That was decided at some point along out moonlight walk:P Coincidentally i read my horoscope for February and it says to go ice skating in Valentines day. lol so we definately have to do that. and youth group is planning ice skating on like the 20th. So i guess we will be ice skating alot. thats good cuz i love it!! (and him) lol
i guess that sums it all up! ciao!

Yayness like wo!! I got my first youth group email today! I also went to my first meeting. Despite the fact that i made a grand entrance 30 minutes late it went all right

lol im sorry but i have to boost your ego one more time. Your like the greatest ever!! love you rye!!! i've finally found peace...

Its been a really productive night. Thank gosh for Ryan!! How would i ever think without him?

gosh sometimes i don't kno why i even bother...

grrr sometimes people annoy me. People i never thought could. But whatever life goes on...
Procrastination!!! I really have to do my book report. On a book i havn't even read yet. haha
Yay!! Ryan gets home soon!!

thank you. thats all i'll say, see you soon hun

hun u totally took that all wrong. That song was' t aimed towards you.Just think about it and u'll kno who it was meant for. If anything well this next song i post is how u make me feel. I kno we've had issues. but i have faith that we'll be good again. and if not im greatful for the love u've shown me. Taught me what it is. I kno ive said that a million times. Not to mention the accompanying deja vu. but im not gonna erase any of what u said...everyones already read it right guys?

I wake up in the morning
Put on my face
The one that's gonna get me
Through another day
Doesn't really matter
How I feel inside
'Cause life is like a game sometimes

But then you came around me
The walls just disappeared
Nothing to surround me
And keep me from my fears
I'm unprotected
See how I've opened up
Oh, you've made me trust

Because I've nver felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm tyring to remember
Why I was afraid
To be myself and let the
Covers fall away
I guess I never had someone like you
To help me, to help me fit
In my skin

I never felt like this before
I'm naked
Around you
Does it show?
You see right through me
And I can't hide
I'm naked
Around you
And it feels so right

I'm naked
Oh oh yeah
Does it show?
Yeah, I'm naked
Oh oh, yeah yeah

I'm so naked around you
And I can't hide
You're gonna see right through, baby


I think ive seriously been listening to Avril way too much!! While i'm sleeping, while I'm eating, While i'm dreaming, While i'm thinking. But u understand. I'll get over it. lol :P

i read it over and this song can't be towards me i'd never try to make you someone your not, i know the real you, and if i really love you, id see that your just another free flowing spirit taking one day at a time, you love to be you, independant and true. ok that started to turn into a poem lol but yea. i know what you feel, and i'd never doubt it or make it something its not. that's why ive, not given up, but let go of the fact that you could ever be mine, yes you love me yes i love you, but we could never be together. at least not now. your too.... time and place.fun, free. most of all, your free. nobody can hold you down. even if i did for a while. i should have seen it coming that you'd break free. cause i dont know your just, well i think you understand what im getting at. anyways. I'm really sorry sometimes it has to be so cruel. i dont understand why love can't end in freindship, well i do, but i'd give anything to have one wish to be able to be your freind. someday though. Till then I'll just take it as it comes, but with all my heart try to make it feel right at the same time. you can erase this after you'v eread it by the way. i know you don't like when i write on your blogger. so anyways, have a great weekend, i'll see you and i love you. : ) weeble times infinity~

Fall back
Take a look at me
And you'll see I'm for real
I feel what only I can feel
And if that don't appeal to you
Let me know
And I'll go
'Cuz I flow
Better when my colors show
And that's the way it has to be
Honestly
'Cuz creativity could never bloom
In my room
I'd throw it all away before I lie
So don't call me with a compromise
Hang up the phone
I've got a backbone stronger than yours
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la

[chorus]
If you're trying to turn me into someone else
Its easy to see I'm not down with that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you're trying to turn me into something else
I've seen enough and I'm over that
I'm not nobody's fool
If you wanna bring me down
Go ahead and try
Go ahead and try

You don't know
You think you know me like yourself
But I fear
That you're only telling me what I wanna hear
But do you give a damn
Understand
That I can't not be what I am
I'm not the milk and cheerios in your spoon
Its not a simple hearing but not so soon
I might've fallen for that when I was fourteen
And a little more green
But its amazing what a couple of years can mean
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la

[chorus]

Go ahead and try
Try and look me in the eye
But you'll never see inside
Until you realize, realize
Things are trying to settle down
Just try to figure out
Exactly what I'm about
If its with or without you
I don't need you doubting me

[chorus]

La la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la

Would you be laughing out loud
If I played to my own crowd
Try

"Nunc scio quit sit amor."

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."

"Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never."

Ama me fideliter! Fidem meam noto: De corde totaliter Et ex mente tota, Sum presentialiter Absens in remota."

The Art of Peace begins with you...Foster peace in your own life and then apply the Art to all you encounter.

When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life.

Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to.

grrr i can't sleep and no one is online:-( my sched is so fucked up from vaca. i think i'll just look for some cool quotes that have meaning in my life right now. Havn't done that in a long time...

I don't wanna go to school tomorrow!!! :-(

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE!!!
LOL!! so that was alot of fun!!! I was a good girl too!! Me alone with 4 psychotic guys for 6 hours...and i was good...damn that takes strength!! lol I was thinking about ryan the whole time!! That was my defense mechanism...
So what did we do u ask? Well we watched Nick's favorite movie The Thing, and then Resident Evil. The movie that i got my name from. Yes my new name is Rain...i kno sounds crazy. but it is! and then we sat around and talked about "nothing". LOL talking about nothing has a new meaning. But I don't feel like explaining so don't ask. And I've been told 2 days in a row that i actually do live out in the middle of nowhere. Finally people believe me!! And then they wonder why I've always got the phone glued to my ear or the mouse glued to my hands. Well its my only link to civilization what do u expect?

DRBPZG: u got me thinking since the ride home cause u brought up the meaning of life stuff
The Rebel Flirt: and...?
DRBPZG: and i quoted a song
DRBPZG: as i turned to sand u took me by the hand and declared that love prevails over all

well i dunno what that means...but i guess it does kinda apply to the meaning of life...