So i went to church today!! thats sumthing i have failed to do in quite a while. even tho not going goes against all structure and the method by which my family exists. We have just been out of the ordinary with everything that has been occuring lately. But its all good.
And I cleaned my room too!!! Watermelon jollyranchers!! total niceness. Its been at least a month since i've seen my beautiful royal blue carpet. Now i can actually enjoy its ugliness!! (ok so its not really that ugly. I should learn to not be so very judgemental )
I talked to ryan on the phone for like 2 hours and its put me in this just awesomely philosophical mood. I guess his intelligence and wit rubbed off on me.;-) So hes suppose to pick me up tomorrow around 1:30. But i'm scared i'm not sure how i should accesorize. Shoud i go punk or just semi punk? or just preppy or i dunno. no def not preppy. but I wanna make a good impression on his mom. And all this talk about her being structured and just the way she worships and stuff has intimidated me. But first impressions last so i think this is something important. but if i just don't think about and be confident things should work out. So basically i should just stop thinking and just be me. and then it will all be good. Yea thats what i'll do. But then i ask myself should it really matter? Or am i making too big a deal out of it and being silly. People should like me for who i am and thats how it should be. Ok all is good now that I've got that settled. or have i?
lol so neways...its really fucking cold in here. so i think i'm gonna go take a shower now before bore the hell out of everyone and drive myself insane by thinking much too much.
PS. Sorry i did not get to call u nell...the day went by so quick and i had this feeling that u wern't home anyway. So i just didn't.

O yea and i just read andrues deadjournal. Well u see thats the thing andrue. and i knew this would be a problem but sometimes u gotta take things into your own hands. I'm not gonna be the one to im u or email u first. not this time. I have nothing to say sorry about. You are just as much the issue as i am. It really sucks that it has to come down to this. but i dunno i just am not gonna do it this time. its up to you...and by the way it would be totally cool if we could be good again. It was nice the way we used to be.