Why does it bother me so much that i'm accepted by ryan's parents? I mean his Dad is usually cool and all but i swear his mom hates me...:-( and if she doesn't then she wishes I wasn't so important to him.
I just wish people would realize how much we mean to eachother sometimes...

Worked most of the weekend. Just starting to realize how close school is. Falling into a workaholic depression... becoming insane...no time left...
monday and tuesday ryans coming over...
wednesday i'm going to the mall with Nell..
Thursday is orientation...
Friday i need to get together with someone to take notes on all my books...(so if someone i kno with the same books who reads this lemme kno if u wanna get together) airgoddess05@yahoo.com
Working saturday, sunday, and monday...and after school the rest of the week...
Tuesday school starts...then my insanity begins...

I slept over Janelle's house on Wednesday night. Twas tons of fun... It would have been better if only i had known Ryan was coming to pick me up just as i was making plans. He got here right before i left and it was just so hard because i had to hug him, say i love you, and tare myself away. He was gonna pick me up and we would have had all night...:-(
but no regrets because i hadn't seen my Nell in almost a month. Yes I tell you an entire month!! so we pretty much just harassed her brother the whole time and talked. laughed alot. Would have bonded if that was at all possible but i think we're already too close for that. We decided we really are the closest friends there ever were. Its just really incredible how she always knows how i feel. Like when i'm uncomfortable or tired or grumpy or even something suttle just a small change i try to hide she always knows how i feel or what i'm thinking...
Onto bigger more depressing issues...Ryan has had to work everyday this week and so have i minus 2 days and on the opposite shift. He works days and i always work nights. Our shifts have about an hour in between which is pretty much only enough time for him to get home. Which means i prob won't see him until monday. I talked to him yesterday for probably the first real time since LAST monday! :-( and to top that off i was depressed so really didn't get that much from it. g2g ciao...

dammit!! my entire post just deleted!! well in essence i guess i just said yesterday was a very up and down day and that i hope dreams do not come true afterall because mine last night was very bizarre...

This weekend was sooo great!!! We (ryan, kat, aunt G, and I) left ct on thursday night after i got outta work. We went to her house that night. Friday morning at 10:00 Ryan and i took the tour of MIT. and jeez that was just depressing i tell ya!! He could make it in easily but me? not in a million years... After that we picked up lunch at the lunch trucks and then we ate it at the garden on the roof. Then we took the T From Kendall square to Downtown Crossing. lol and everytime Ryan saw sun glasses at a kiosk or something we HAD to stop and look at them. lol and we went thru the wedding dresses at Filenes basement and hes just like lets pick one out!! I bought some school shoes at DSW and an old Chantal Kreviazuk cd at Strawberries. By then it was almost 4 so we went back to aunt G's office and waited for her there. Then we went to pick up the canoes for our camping trip. We met aunt g's friend Marco there and by then i was just psycho cuz i was so overtired yet hyper. We stopped at Trader Joes to pick some stuff up and shopping without rolling around on the floor laughing my ass off was a challenge.
On Sat we left for New Hampshire. I was grumpy for pretty much the whole day. We got to the drop off and waited for everyone to arrive. (meanwhile Ryan and i had mad passionate sex on a nearby island:-P) We practiced canoeing back and forth up and down the Saco River. then everyone finally got there and we left. We encountered some rapids and Ryan and I were pretty much the only canoe that came out with no damage. Marco and heather ended up splitting their canoe in half. (which miraculously conformed back to its usual shape afterward. ) The whole time Ryan and I bickered about which way we were going and he wouldn't listen to me when i told him to trade sides so we ended up zig zagging across the river 95% of the time. Finally i made him steer because that way he could see what i was doing in the front and maybe be a bit more in sync with me. :-P That worked much better. Finally we got to the sandbar where we decided to camp. I ate a huge dinner. Then we sat around the campfire and went to bed. The next day we packed everything up and headed home. Ryan gave me a piggy back ride and then threw me in the river. Bastard!!! lol j/k
when we got to my house his dad stayed for a little while and had cake and ice cream for everyones bday. Bruno was being such a cutie. He'd go back and forth between me and Ryan begging for attention.
I didn't wake up until 2:30 today!! Didn't kno what time it was though because my clock was blinking. tell more later...

Life is wonderful!!!

just got back...Moms was ok...have to work in an hour or so...miss ryan tons...

lol well thx janelle...once again what would i do without you? I have no idea what has gotten into me...Must have been hanging out with too many bad ass guys lately...Surely you kno how that sometimes occurs? lol
So i just got back from Larissa's house. I went over there yesterday morning and then we spent the day at Uconn. Twas alot of fun. We pretty much spent most of our time at the library and i did some summer reading....annnnd OMG!! I met the coolest guy!! His name is Sam and i wanna be his friend. He worked at the bookstore that we went to between study sessions. and it was funny because we went in there and i picked up 2 of the 5 books that used to be his and r in the store. So it was just ironic. but not to worry Ryan i didn't flirt a single bit. :-) In fact i thought he was gay at first but i guess he really wasn't. I think the main characteristics i really liked were his open-ness and obvious spirituality. but i have so many awesome books lined up now. I can't wait to read them all...:-)
ummm so i'm going to my moms house tonight...and I'll be back monday or so cuz of work...Rissa let me borrow her camera so i'll be taking tons of pics...ciao

jess that F word is seriously not attractive or lady like or neccesary i suggest you stop that!

Thx for the support hun!! : P IT'S JUST SO FUCKING HARD!!!! ummmm...yesterday was fun minus the car crash. that was kinda depressing because I really don't have the money to be paying for a new tail light. DON'T ASK!! but i went to the mall and out to eat with someone whos name i wont mention and apparently backing out of my driveway in the dark is a great difficulty. But we got matching sandals and that was cool. lol
umm i freaken work for like 2 fucking hours tonight... i kno tell me about it. It's pretty stupid...
Then I'm going to my Mom's this weekend. Hopefully Lenny will be cool and not give me any weekend hours even though I REAAAAALLLY need the money! but yea overall I'm kinda depressed because theres so much i gotta do and school's starting soo soon. Plus my gma is being a bitch and a half about stupid shit...lol i think i know what part of it might have to do with though.*WARNING DON'T READ THIS IF YOUR JANELLE OR YOU DON'T WANT BAD IMAGES IN YOUR HEAD* Ryan and I were up in my room being really silly and overexaggeratingly making out. Just making noises and stuff. like oooo ahhhh that feels sooooo good!! and it was really funny. But all the sudden we hear what r u guys doing up there?! so she thinks we were like having sex or something but the ironic thing is we were just making fun of it...So we just crack up laughing... ya'll should try it sometime...*OK YOU CAN READ AGAIN*
hmm what else...ohh i had a most interesting conversation with Tony last night. lol I have to say it goes down in history as one of the WIERDEST most oblivious convos i have ever had...ciao peoplez! catch ya'll later...

THANK GOD!! lol im j/k : P

ok guys i'm really sorry...i just reread my posts and i mean 95% of them are about Ryan...So i'll stop doing that. cuz its got to be pretty boring and pathetic to read about...

Ryan came over yesterday around 11. We read summer reading for about an hour and a 1/2 and then we made lunch together. The menu consisted of hamburgers, baked potatoes, salad, and cherry coke in champagne glasses!! He had to work at 5 but it got cancelled because of the rain. So that was super cool. While he was gone tho i talked to Nell on the phone and she cheered me up a bit.(I was sad because i thought he still had work at that point) LoL we made pancakes together and had our own little cooking show. And we went to get the mail together and it was raining so hard and i only had one hand and we always get alot of mail and i dropped it all in a puddle!! It was really funny!! and then Nell broke her screen door!!! I was like total clutz!! lol After the cooking show Ryan came back to my house and we just chilled up in my room...It was really nice. We just held eachother and talked. Then we did a bit more summer reading and fell asleep. Which in turn caused him to miss his curfew. Before he left he tucked me in for bed and told me a story and we said prayers together. It was really sweet because he taught me this prayer he made up when he was a little boy...and it just brought tears to my eyes. At this point it took so much will power to let him leave... It was just a perfect day and we were obviously sad that it had to end...
Today i went over his house and helped clean his room (Dusty!!!!lol) and bring a new bedroom set in...That was good because i havn't been to his house in a long time... But we did that and then they dropped me off at work at around 5. and Ryan and his mom and sister got ice cream at the Dari Bar. Work went alright...got payed tonight so that was cool.
Tomorrow theres this youth group picnic thing we're going to.
I was on the phone with Ryan tonight and just talking about how the summers almost over. There's only like 3 weeks left!! :-( and between work and camping and going to my moms house it'll go by in no time. The realization was just kinda depressing. :-( I mean i'm almost done with summer reading and stuff. Only part of a book left...But i don't want it to come yet!!! I just kno i have to work so hard this year. and I'm not ready for it. Not yet... and then pretty soon b4 i know it Ryan will be going off to college and that gets me even more depressed. I mean i know we can do it together but its just gonna be really hard. And i don't want anything to change. Everything is so great between us now. I don't wanna lose him or any aspect of our relationship. Because it all means so much to us. but yea I'll stop boring ya'll now...So have a wonderful night!!!