This is me being silly.

some cute pics

A sign of maturity?

I will now try to explain why I never know what to write about. I will do this in attempt to help myself understand. At one time, life was exciting. There were so many first time experiences that I could turn into a drama worthy of written word. I had no secrets, no fear no restraint, and my life was an open book. Now I find that life has become dull. It's not that I don't get out and have fun. It's just that I've done it before , it's insignificant, so it's not worth writing about. On top of that I've become secretive. There are certain aspects of myself that I keep hidden away for personal conversation rather than impersonal ramblings. All of this is ok, it's just wierd becuase I never know what to say.

Here is a short summary of my weekend:

• Wednesday I drove around for 3 hours looking for shirt for my interview Thursday
• picked Larissa up
• ate at the dining hall with ryan and mike
• drove to moms with larissa to pick my sisters up
• got stuck on a hill and was rescued by a strange man
• drove home in the snow with the life of 3 people in my hands(it took 2 hours to get home)
• Larissa slept over so she could watch shannon while i was at my interview

• Thursday it took me two hours to get ready
• I met with Mr. Williams and it seemed alright (altho i must admit I am scared)
• I stopped by transpo to say hi to ryan, janet and erin
• I then proceeded to buy formula and diapers for shannon
• then i rushed home to make dinner for everyone
• Shannon and I brought larissa home where i thanked her profusely for her help
• When i got home shannon and I were out like a light(thank God! cuz she doesn't always wanna sleep)
• Friday I found out shannon was afraid of the shower head lol
  
• somehow I coherced her into believing it was just raining the house so that I could get her to take a shower
• we took an afternoon nap and then went to Janelle's bday party
• that was fun and larissa pretty much took over when i got there so it was a small break from mommyhood
• we got home around 10 or 11 and promptly fell asleep

• Saturday was kinda crazy
• I was awaken at 5 am
  
• giving shannon a bath was much easier (yay the day before realyl did pay off!)
• we picked ryan up at 3 pm
• Shannon refused to look at him and for at least 2 hours she gave him the "grumpy one" face!
• we squeezed everyone in the kitchen and ate dinner
• the family went to mass while ryan and I cleaned up the kitchen
• Uncle wes and erin brought shannon home for me so that I could bring ryan home
• And that was my crazy boring weekend...
• now I am attempting to do a shitload of homework
  

I love you ryan

disappointments have an odd way of turning out just fine

Yesterday I woke up at 9:00(?) only to spend my entire day planning a fun filled night. My plan was to attempt to set a couple of friends up. The Hors d'Ouvres were to be nachos and cream cheese salsa wraps. The main entree consisted of tacos. Desert contained peanut butter ice cream, brownies, and my special hazelnut hot chocolate. I picked Ryan up and practically had to drag him with me, preventing him all the while from jumping out the door.
shortly after we picked Larissa up and went to Big Y. We frolicked through the grocery store crossing items off of my list the "necessary delectable taco ingredients". We proceeded to the checkout each spending $17.33. As we departed from Big Y I phoned Ryan, Larissa's prospective date only to find out that he was in RI. Now this would not have irked me if I had not talked to him the day before and learned that he would indeed come. I told him to call me if he couldn't. Did he call me? no. We were all quite unimpressed. I had spent and entire day preparing for this. Spending my precious time planning an event that would be thrashed upon. Therefor i no longer think he would make a good match. A guy must be concientous and after that I
would not set him up with anyone I know. I've tried to understand and make excuses but there just are none.
The night however was not over. I called Jose to save the evening!!! Super Jose in his constant state of bliss promptly accepted my invitation. Ryan dropped Larissa and I off at the house and went to meet Jose. When Jose arrived the fun began. We laughed ALOT and had an awesome time. I spent hours cooking with Larissa's assistance. There was soo much food that we didn't even eat half of it. Jose and Ryan as always! played UNO. Ryan and I sung our favorite duets including Baby it's Cold Outside) while Larissa and Jose laughed. We were too full to eat dessert but somehow i managed to coherce everyone into eating pineapple and watermelon. After we watched monty python and the holy grail while playing Taboo. A couple hours later after much fun we decided we were ready for the heavenly peanut butter and chocolate ice cream. I had fun smothering my ice cream with hot fudge and covering everyones ice cream with whipped cream about 6 inches high. Then unfortunately Jose had to leave. Since he was the life of the party Ryan and I also decided to leave. but the night was not over...Ryan and I had a steamy night and I ended up arriving home at 1 A.M.

Last night was awesome!! Ryan came over and we had the most peaceful love filled night ever. we made tofu, watched a movie said prayers together and admired eachother. i slept better then ever last night. Then i woke up this morning and he left a note on the toilet that said I love you. Overall it was wonderful.


i also found out that i will have a new pen soon!!! Ryan's silly surprise to me. man do i love pens!!!

Resolutions for the betterment of my soul and sanity

• I have come to the conclusion that my laptop piggy is being misused and therefore resolve to use it much less in the near future. hour per day unless there is homework and absolutely no more games!!
• I will not be absent from school
• I will not procrastinate
• I will love all serve all
• I will not attain any material possessions, i will get rid of those that I have
• I will live each day to the motto of Carpe Diem
• I will work to spread cheer
• I will do something nice for someone each day
• I will help out around the house
• I will not let depression overcome me
• I will pray often and live selflessly
• I will think of others before myself
• I will spend at least 30 minutes each day playing dobro
• I will contemplate my goals and become refamiliarized with the truths that I have forgotten
• iccha-sakthi!
• Chaithanya
• bhakthi-marga
• chittha-suddhi

Ode to my dearest Ryan

It's 1:30 am and I can't sleep so I shall delve into my deepest thoughts. My thoughts concern Ryan. Despite all of our silly debates and bickering of late, the bullshit your parents shovel forth, and the indecisivesness of our future, we are still stronger then ever. Do not for a minute regret anything that has been said or done. I know most of the time when you do begin to, you realize that it is just silly. But Ryan please don't doubt any aspect of your life as it is today. You're absolutely perfect where you are. You've brought me sooo far, and if you step back and look at it we've matured and grown an enormous amount in the 2 years we've been together. This is part of a learning experience for both of us. I know you think you were much better before, but babe you get better everyday. Just try to trust me. God is with us. He's guiding us and he knows what's best. Afterall he led us to eachother(an ingenious match I must say:-P) didn't he? You are not in control so do not try so hard to be! Don't be so hard on yourself. But anyway I know you know all this. It just gets frustating sometimes because you seem to choose to forget it.
Please be confident that I'm not going anywhere and do not question it ever again. I'll be with you through the good and the bad. Semper Amemus

None of this will make sense but that's okay because it's not supose to. These past few days have been interesting; You might even say entertaining. I've learned a thing or two. The stories one can create in one's head can be extensive.
Also that sometimes it's better to hold back your true feelings, especially in times of indecision. Some things are better left unsaid. But either way, regardless of the outcome things are as they should be.

I love Hamlet

Another week gone by and here I am. I had a very nice night. Ryan surprised me with ice cream at Kathy Johns and then bought me a pig who i absolutely adore. We named him Hamlet. Here he is:



I needed a night like tonight. Nothing to worry about. No tests or quizzes or homework for me or Ryan. It felt good to just be able to take it all in. Love him freely. well i'm quite sleepy now so goodnight!