I'm not sure what to write i just had a feeling that in blogging i might attain gratification. in another words i'm procrastinating so i don't have to work on my research paper. I've worked so much this weekend and have work tomorrow too. I've actually been home for an hour today and it feels kind of wierd.
I just realized yesterday that my birthday is in 2 weeks.
Ryan's graduation is on thursday but no one saved me a ticket and i'd probably be ostracized if i went anyhow.
Yes it disappoints me because I feel as though i should be there. I put up with such bullshit all year long and stood by him every step of the way and i can't even go to his graduation. No one knows how many nights I stayed up encouraging him to keep going when his parents did nothing but depress and bring him down for no reason worthy of anger. It doesn't account for all the nights i cried myelf to sleep because of what they've said. I'm sure they probably feel as though I am the downfall and every reason for his issues with getting work done but I am not responsible for his actions, and am so unbelievably tired of being the scapegoat. What kind of mother in their right mind could be so selfish and immature? I have no right to judge becuase i am far from perfect, but she calls her self a christian but all u gotta do is read the sunday bulletin to see the contradiction. I know personally that i could never handle situations the way his parents have. and trust me i've thought of all the reasons and made all the excuses and struggled to see things from their viewpoint but i just couldn't see it. I just wish they'd step back and look at the big picture. I struggle to love and remain peaceful, it's just so hard sometimes.

but onto happier things friday was a really good day. Ryan picked me up from work and we went to the park and ate chinese food. We danced to the waifs and musta looked really silly. lol It was so romantic tho and i felt more in love then i've felt in a long time.
We finally got a ring guard for his ring so my ring has meaning at last. It felt so empty wearing it when he couldn't wear his. crap i gotta work on my research paper. no time tomorrow. must finish!!