and i start anew...

I sit here on this Valentine's Day
Not knowing what to say
For with you I'd rather be
So I could show what you mean to me
But illness keeps me away
So now I will find a way to put into words what I'd rather display
How from the very first day I knew
There was something special about you
In how you could make my heart fly
And all my logic you could defy
The conversations on the phone
When we wish the world would just leave us alone
And talking without a care about time
About anything that comes to mind
How not a single day is bland
As long as I have held your hand
And all my worries disappear
Whenever I hold you near
The way it seems you can read my mind
When you fill in the words I can't find
And to me you have shown
A deeper love than I have ever known

I post this hoping it'll help me remember how things used to be. Ryan wrote it for me on Valentines day and it made me cry. He'll prob kill me for posting it here. but o well...

aww nell hun i love you too. U know that right? u have entire entries about u in here too!!

nick nick ryan ryan....no nell..: ( oh well im fine

Went on a total shopping spree!! Spent 122 dollars and bought alot of clothes!! nick seriously talked me into spending soo much but it feels good. We had tons of fun. I saw John Aiello at the mall with some girl. After shopping we ate dinner at Taco BEll. mmmm...lol j/k We drove around a ton too. Must have went by the parkade like 20 times. can't wait for the jets patriots game sunday...
Love u ryan...

Went over Nick's. We watched movies and went out to dinner with his family. And dude they r so cool!!

I went over nick's house today and we watched the game. At random intervals pillows would go flying in different directions so we decided we should start a show called "When Pillows Attack!!"We played pool and i allllmost won. :-P I only lost over the 8 ball. Yes I know i'm proud of myself...
Subway is good and the Jets suck...

Reaching out for something you've got to feel
while clutching to what you had thought was real

kicking at a dead horse pleases you
no way of showing your gratitude
so many things you don't want to do
what is it? what have you got to lose

what the hell
what is you think you're gonna find?
hypocrite
boredom sets into the boring mind

struggle within it suits you fine
struggle within your ruin
struggle within you seal your own coffin
struggle within the struggling within

home is not a home it becomes a hell
turning it into your prison cell
advantages are taken, not handed out
while you struggle inside your hell

reaching out
grabbing for something you've got to feel
closing in
the pressure upon you is so real

struggle within it suits you fine
struggle within your ruin
struggle within you seal your own coffin
struggle within the struggling within

reaching out for something you've got to feel
while clutching to what you had thought was real
what the hell

what is you think you're gonna find
hypocrite
boredom sets into the boring mind

struggle within it suits you fine
struggle within your ruin
struggle within you seal your own coffin
struggle within the struggling within
-Metallica

I don't know whats happening really or what i want to happen. This week has just been crazy. I'm not sure its back to normal. I just hope it gets to be again. I know I felt it for all of 30 minutes again last night. And that was good. So maybe it all just depends on my mindset. That could play a big part. I just know that i've felt all of this before and i don't like it. I hate the way it happens. Is it God telling me its time to move on? I realllly hope not.:-( If he is then i'm definately in denial...
On to bigger better things i talked to mr. scorco yesterday and he got me alll excited about starting the outing club. He wants to go on at least one trip before it gets too cold to hike and camp and stuff. So he told me to get the names of people who might be interested this week and let him know. I'm pretty sure i can get quite a few. we'll see...
I had a nightmare last night. It wasn't pretty. It was more realistic then the one i had last week about furby attacking. I hope it never comes true...

I went to the races with Nick and Chris:-) We had a good time. My sister and her dad were there too. It was so funny. Too many good times to summarize them all. I realized tonight that I've done something with Nick everyday this week and then some last week. I hadn't noticed before. I guess the occasion just arises often. *yawns* I'm really tired. ni night

To summarize the past couple days: Orientation went alright. went to the mall with nick on Friday. larissa met us there and we ran into ryan and mike and hung with them for a little while. then we dropped larissa off and went over janelle's. Made brownies then went to nicks house and watched comedy central all night. Pigged out at his house. Then we brought janelle home and then he brought me home. Had a good talk on the way home. Decided what it is that we don't like about mike...talked about society and stuff.
Saturday I worked and then ryan came over for our 8 month anniversary. Sunday i went to church and youth group and then worked and mowed the lawn when i got home. Then summer reading...
Been working on summer reading all day today...wish ryan was here...